"The Conference supports Maori people and their allies in researching the loss of life, lands and resources at the hands of the New Zealand government. The Conference call on the New Zealand Government to acknowledge the past wrongs of colonialism perpetuated on the Maori people as guaranteed in the Treaty of Waitangi…The Waitangi Tribunal in its report of the Taranaki claim found that Maori people had suffered the effects of colonization and invasion by New Zealand Government colonial forces. The word used by the Tribunal to describe the magnitude of the suffering by Taranaki tribes was a ‘holocaust’. The Right Honorable Tariana Turia, a Maori member of Parliament…compared the effects of colonization on Maori people as a ‘holocaust’." – Statement of the Indigenous Peoples Conference Regarding ‘holocaust’, September 2000, Wellington, New Zealand.

"Too often the history of Europe is described as a series of interminable wars and quarrels. Yet from our perspective today surely what strikes us most is our common experience. For instance, the story of how Europeans explored and colonised and – yes, without apology – civilised much of the world is an extraordinary tale of talent, skill and courage." – Margaret Thatcher, 1988, Britain and Europe, p.2, Conservative Political Centre.

I am writing my thesis because I am creating my postcolonial living educational theory in the Academy as a creative expression, quite literally, of the task or problematic that arises from the term postcolonial being placed under severe pressure (Hayes Edwards, 2004). The severe pressure I have in mind is the evolution of globalization as a new world order of empire and neocolonialism (Hardt and Negri, 2000; Urry, 2003) that is overtly supportive of the Recolonization of Iraq that is being led by America and Britain (Ali, T., 2003), alongwith the alarming evidence of vigorous xenophobia and Islamaphobia in the West.

I am creatively shaping my postcolonial living educational theory as a task or problematic that represents the colonial past and the neocolonial present, inclusively. My thesis refracts and reflects how that past affects us all, the colonial descendants of once were masters and once were slaves (Murray, 2004). In my thesis I bring an emphatic sigh of recognition to the truth that the colonial past will not go away, it has a haunting presence as aftermath and legacy. My postcolonial activism takes the form of engaging the social reality of Whiteness (Dyer, 1998) from the grounds of my hope for a different future that offers a palette of choice for humanity. My thesis traces the colonial and at the same time is a postcolonial trace.

My thesis explores my self-knowledge as a postcolonial ‘craftartist’ and as such is a narrative of my identity (Mishler, 1999). I present my ‘craftartistry’ as a disciplined form of Self-Study for the purpose of social justice (Griffiths, et al, 2004). I create my thesis through my commitment to risk (Winter, 1989) and my commitment to sustaining my reputation among my students and colleagues as an enquiring higher education teacher (Rowland, 2000).

I am crafting an ontologically and epistemologically creative thesis because I am a ‘Mixed-Race’ (Ifekwunigwe, 2004), ‘Post-Race’ (Ali, S., 2003), Muslim descendant of once were slaves/once were masters in the context of South Africa (Murray, 2004, [1], emergent doctoral writing) and at the same time I am reconstructing a productive, worthwhile identity as an ethnic minority person and career academic in British higher education. I identify my descent as once were slaves/once were masters as the first of the living logics of my postcolonial thesis where the symbol / represents my ironic response to a Cartesian binary oppositional logic that is exclusional, and is at the heart of a racist mindset. I have become conscious during my life, with a quickening in the past seven years, of what it means on multiple levels of my being to know that I am the descendant of a slave and to be able to explain how my expanding ontological consciousness has influenced both the performativity of my identity, and my postcolonial posture (Fusco, 2001).

I am also writing my thesis because I deplore the trope of white supremacy that pervades Margaret Thatcher’s explanation of colonialism as a gracious and noble practice of civilizing the barbarian ‘other’ from whom I am descended and thus, by the logic of her racism, with whom I share a quality of barbarism (Christian, 2004).

The term ‘colonial’ is a term of disapproval: it conjures up crimes against humanity and holocaust (Whitehead, 2004; Murray, 2004).

To be civil is a state of being that I aspire to in my educative practice. Education is a term of approval, by contrast to colonial, and I can situate civil alongside education without feeling that I have made a fundamental category mistake in my thinking and use of languge (email exchange with Jack Whitehead, September 2004).

Thus in connecting colonial and ‘civilized’ in thought and language I believe that Thatcher (1988) is making a fundamental category mistake in her thinking and use of language. I believe she is able to make this mistake because she is both racist and neo-colonial and her view of colonialism is located within the dynamics of Whiteness and her identity as an ethnic majority.

I believe that ‘framing’ colonial as a civilizing act or practice is more than tendentious: it is spurious logic based in personal racism, and I abhor this. In one sense my thesis is being written to put that unsavoury colonial record straight. I am not a barbarian because my ancestors were colonized by European people who held Thatcher’s perverted notion of what passes as civil. I work in civic educational spaces and places, to perform an educative practice that is both civil in tone and respect, and civilizing in purpose and aspiration. The kind of civilization I have in mind as an outcome of my educative practice is an anti-racist, anti-colonial, ‘Post-Race’ and Postcolonial future for humanity. I am compelled by an ontology of ‘Griqua inclusivity’ (Murray, 2004, doctoral writing in progress). During my educative life, particularly as an educator, I have occasionally experienced uncivil spaces and places. I have experienced vestiges of different racisms as I bring my selfhood to practice education productively in my college.

However, to craft a thesis purely as an act of repudiation or deprecation seems to me to be rather limiting of my hoping and scoping. I am deeply impressed by Hayes Edwards’s (2004) introduction to the special issue of Social Text for several reasons that are pertinent to my own educational enquiry:

My enquiry has been conducted since 1997 during a period in world history where the term postcolonial has been placed under severe pressure. I am imagining how the colonial past and the neocolonial present merge horrifically in the destruction of 9/11, in the illegal invasion of Iraq, in the continued oppression of ethnic minority groups in Sudan, and in the most despicable excuse for global oppression referred to as the ‘war on terror’ by Western governments, principally.

This cultural mood and milieu, this political zeitgeist, or ‘habitus’ as Pierre Bourdieu (1979/1986) refers to our collective cultural entrapment is the social, political and educational space in which my thesis development has been cradled. My thesis has been mediated and influenced within this broiling cultural mood or setting. I am writing my thesis in that moment in history when BBC journalists speak easily and emphatically about global terrorism being the sole province of the Muslim and Arab. My ontological feelings of exclusion within a Christian Western Whiteness could be a chimera, yet they feel alarmingly powerful and omnipresent to me. In this sense I believe that colonialism, neocolonialism and postcolonialism are different accents, or angles on the same problematic, in fact, part of the very same continuing trope: the legacy of the colonial aftermath (Loomba, 1998; Gandhi, 1998).

I relate to Hayes Edwards’s introduction as a multidisciplinary ‘task’ in which I would like to include educational research alongside cultural studies, political economy and history. I would suggest that my method is not the method of social science. My method is that of living educational theory (Whitehead, 1993) rather than theory grounded in propositional forms of logic.

I visualize and imagine my postcolonial living educational theory as a doctoral thesis that is an expression of the very task or problematic emerging from that past, which is representative of the hateful xenophobic dialectics of the present, and yet imparts hope for a postcolonial, ‘Post-Race’ future. As such my thesis is a fractal of the task or problematic that confronts the imaginative, creative, hopeful and critical postcolonialist. Like Hayes Edwards I do not imagine Postcolonial Theory to be a method or map. The trope of returning the gaze to whiteness, and to the colonial (neocolonial) discourse is a task or problematic that needs to be engaged with a solid consistency that I hold in my unrelenting will. The colonial past is the trope that continues to affect the descendants of all colonial people as we strive to give meaning and shape to our lives, relationships and subject positions in the present. That colonial past will not go away, and my thesis is a recognition of my commitment to this belief, which does not overwhelm my critical faculty for finding ways to enquiry, educationally, as an act of inclusive hope for a different future. That I choose to imagine this future as postcolonial and ‘Post-Race’ is my dedication to my Griqua great-grandmother in an act that is symbolic of reversing the colonial oppression of the ‘absence of choice’ by presencing choice in my educative life, for me, for students, and for some colleagues. I consider this to be indicative of my decolonizing methodology (Tuhiwai-Smith, 1999) and my contribution to postcolonial education. I interpret my postcolonial educative practice to be one response to what Hayes Edwards could have in mind as the kind of task or problematic central to contemporary postcolonial traces. My passion for presencing choice in my life with others as an educative hope of liberation is one of several living logics imbedded in my postcolonial living educational theory (Murray, 2004, [2]).

In this thesis my methodological framing is a form of performative and inclusive first-person consciousness that is disciplined through an inclusive Self-Study with the voices of others, and is made communicable through the unique rootprints of my autobiographical narrative (Clandinin and Connelly, 2000; Cixous and Calle Gruber, 1997), and formalized within an account in which I seek to pedagogise my living epistemological standards of judgement in ways that extend and enrich Living Educational Theories and the growth of my educational knowledge.

In my thesis I set out to explain my own commitment to the colonial/postcolonial dialectic. Explaining my embodied values that emerge and are clarified in the course of my educative practice, I identify and explore the importance of the living logics of my postcolonial living educational theory. I am unequivocally committed to contributing to living educational theories in the Academy (Whitehead, 1993; Murray and Whitehead, 2000).

I seek to explore the pedagogisation of my own practice and show how in the course of their emergence in my practice, in my Self-Study, and in my life, I am transforming my embodied ontological values into living epistemological standards of judgement that are communicable. I seek to hold my self accountable to these living epistemological standards as a postcolonial scholar-educator. As I do this I try to find an aesthetic through the practice of my writing that best carries the hope of my ethic for a ‘Post-Race’ future for humanity.

My confidence in the performativity of my ’Mixed-Race’ within a chain of voices that resonate and speak to me further inspires my thymotic desire for the recognition of being heard as I write my thesis, having my ideas taken seriously, and experiencing the growing influence of my ideas. I live my educative practice, writing and speaking about it both, within a linked chain of voices that is humanity’s chorus.

Through conducting my research enquiry and writing my thesis, my reasons for writing my thesis are unfolding and emergent. I agree with the extract from the Indigenous People’s Conference Statement at the head of this paper. My agreement is axiological, ontological and epistemological. Let me explain.

I was raised within the colonial mythology of the indigene: my father is a so-called ‘Coloured’ South African, his mother a Griqua, and her mother a Griqua too (Ross, 1976). My postcolonial axiology has been melded in the crucible of a family culture of stories told about race and identity, belonging and colour, racism and apartheid. In fact my father’s stories were colonial stories little did I know that during my childhood as I listened to them, absorbed them, and used them as important existential referents. Looking back through my enquiry without rose tinting, I can see how my fathers colonial stories were bequeathed to me, a colourful/-full gift. Set within this axiology of understanding I can also much better appreciate how my thesis is a postcolonial narrative, influenced and informed intimately from within my fathers ‘first-hand’ stories of racist barbarism and yet distinct from my father’s stories of colonial exclusion that seem to be held in a Karoo-dusty trope of inevitability, through which the violence of everyday resistance was rudely and enjoyably transformed into an act of indubitable heroism. Over the years I have become more questioning and skeptical of the trope of my fathers stories, not their veracity and without undermining their intrinsic value as a fathers loving colonial gift crafted orally and in loving improvisation for the future of a postcolonial son.

My emergent postcolonial story has an objective, empirical dimension, too. Since 1997, the Griqua People have been accorded United Nations recognition as a ‘First Nation’ People. My heritage, my history, my inheritance and how I imaginatively perform my identity is closely tied into Griqua history, as an incentive and beacon to guide humanity’s future. My father and grandmother have in common white Afrikaner fathers. I believe this has influenced how my family perceive themselves as ‘not quite/not white’. I have a white English mother, a black Griqua great-grandmother, and a brown Griqua-European father. So I feel I have the freedom deriving from the sexual transgression of racialised boundaries through history to choose to be brownly~whitely in my thoughts, actions, and deeds. This is an important element of the living logics of my postcolonial living educational theory (Murray, 2004, [3]). In practice, especially the postcolonial practice of my performative identity, this means that I have made a choice to de-centre my Western white heritage to enable my brownly non-western inheritance to emerge, to flow, to breathe and do more than merely shuffle ignominiously from margin to centre (Butler, 1993). This has important implications for my thesis as I challenge the dominant orthodoxy of Aristotelean and Cartesian philosophy. Inclusivity is inherent for ‘Mixed-Race’ people: in that sense that inclusivity inheres within the bio-logic’s of ‘Mixed-race’.

In my ‘Mixed-Race’ I propose that I am becoming ‘Post-Race’ (Ali, S., 2003). I conduct this practice from within my embodied values in ways that enable me to clarify in the course of their practice in my educational relations, in my research writing, in my Self-Study account as my emergent doctoral thesis, and in my family and other loving relationships, what I understand to be my living standards of judgement as a scholar-educator.

In a proposal for a BERA 04 Symposium, my doctoral supervisor, co-researcher and postcolonial friend Jack Whitehead shaped a statement that captivated my imagination. It included the following extract:

"While we recognise our uniqueness in who we are and what we are doing as individuals influenced by Islamic, Christian, Buddhist and Humanistic values and beliefs we also recognise and experience an inclusional (Rayner, 2002) flow of life-affirming energy from each other. We each experience this energy differently in the expression of our embodied, spiritual and other values and recognise a desire in each other to work with each others inclusional ways of being." (Whitehead, 2004)

I supported this statement at the time it was written. I believed, hopefully, that it represented how things could be among a group of inclusional, collaborative action researchers with a commitment to postcolonialism. I imagined, hopefully, that it would enable postcolonial truth to be told in these dangerous times. I also imagined that this group of collaborative educational researchers would have something positive to add at a time in world history when the term postcolonial is coming under severe pressure.

I cleave, rather adamantly, to Said’s (1993) belief that intellectuals are responsible for speaking truth to power. This seemed very grand and righteous when I first took this idea seriously in 1997 as a way of explaining the context for my pedagogic relations in the Academy. Though Chomsky’s caution about speaking truth to power has since chastened me,

I agree with Chomsky that there is nothing particularly honourable in speaking truth to power within a group of collaborating practitioners as it can damage the trust required for inclusivity to be sustained. That said there may be something necessary, even imperative, in the principle of speaking truth to power within communities of practice and Edward Said (1994) gives me compelling enough reason to cleave to his propositional principle by reminding me of the centrality of blocking discourses as a colonial action of power while, at the same time, bringing focus to a first-person question of the kind, How can I improve my personal process of Griqua inclusivity as I speak truth to power?

As I focus on sharing my emergent living thesis in the Academy and within a community of educational practitioners, I am curious about how effectively I might communicate my purpose in a question of the kind: How am I speaking to other educators through my different expression of postcolonial living theory in a chain of voices, across time, across experiences, that carry the horror of colonialism, the messy realpolitik of the colonial aftermath, and the reconstruction of identity in postcolonialism that carries hope for the future of humanity?

In my rejection of imperialism’s signifying system (i.e. colonialism) is my hope that the possibility exists of creating an entirely new one as proposed by Franz Fanon (Verges, 1996). By this I mean postcolonialism. My commitment to postcolonialism should be read as my rejection of imperialism’s signifying system. This clarity has emerged for me in the course of my enquiry and underpins my disposition as a postcolonial scholar-educator.

Within my thesis I engage with Bernstein’s theory of pedagogic relations (Whitehead, 2002; Bernstein, 2000) as I try to influence what counts as relational postcolonial knowledge from the grounds of my commitment to a critical pedagogy (Darder, 2002).

I agree with Macedo (in Chomsky, 2000) when he suggests that,

"Far from the democratic education we claim to have, what we really have in place is a sophisticated colonial model of education designed primarily to train teachers in ways in which the intellectual dimension of teaching is often devalued. The major objective of a colonial education is to further de-skill teachers and students to walk unreflectively through a labyrinth of procedures and techniques" (p. 3)

My agreement springs reflectively, ironically and frustratingly from the grounds of my experiential knowing, a knowing that is holistic, and is inclusive of three procedural principles:

[i]My cognitive domain - that is critical thinking and judgement, independent reasoning

[ii]My conative domain – that is my embodied action, or activism in the world as I choose to walk, gesture, speak, laugh, and be passionately engaged in ways that bring my bodily presence to those around me as I move myself, physically, and commit myself to a ‘doing’ that takes my body in the direction of a postcolonial living educational theory. My conative commitment to postcolonialism precedes my cognitive commitment

[iii]My affective domain in learning - that is, my emotional immediacy and faculty, my relational and spiritual commitment to a postcolonial education (Heron 1982)

I imagine that you, the reader, will be able to extend your empathy to my postcolonial concerns and passions. I think Macedo is correct in his tone, but may carry disrespect in the generalizing strength of his statement as I imagine many educators recognise Macedo’s analysis, and act upon it willfully and transformatively in their practice. Thus, while some educators with whom I work proceed within the ‘framing’ of precepts for a colonial education, others actively resist it, and still others are blithely unaware of the kind of conversation required to identify a ‘colonial education’. For my part I am conscious of colonial/postcolonial dialectics. My embodied ontological values of humanity enable me to eschew ‘colonial education’ and passionately engage in a practice that is anathema of ‘colonial education’: a practice that is my living educational theory of postcolonialism. In the course of fourteen, and now running into fifteen years employment in my College, I believe that my commitment to a postcolonial education is related, in various complex ways, to my inability to gain promotion. I explore this idea in my emergent doctoral thesis. Through bringing a form of reflective practice to these tensions that I experience with colleagues, inside and outside of my college, and which I dub my ‘self-reflective practice of humility’ (Murray, 2004 [4]), I am becoming clear about how I seek ‘clarification through scarification’ (Murray, 2004 [5]). In deploying my analytical, rational and critical skills as an educator to explore, reveal, conduct the archaeology of knowledge, I also tend to personally criticize my colleagues in ways that can be damaging and demeaning for both parties.

As I bring this aspect of my selfhood more clearly into focus in my consciousness, as I strive to overcome my desire to deny, I find myself incorporating this self-critical reflection within my living logics as an expression of my educative practice.

As I do so it becomes clearer to me that I have to face the difficult personal truth of that I can be a living contradiction of my living logics of ‘Griqua inclusivity’ (Murray, 2004, [6]) through which I navigate my life as a loving inclusive human being and the tensions I feel and generate as I express my ‘postcolonial critical pedagogy’ (Murray, 2004 [7]) that in respect of my students is grounded in my ‘loving spirit of extended family’ (Murray, 2004 [8]), but which I occasionally fail to extend to those colleagues who are unable and /or unwilling to be ‘traitors to whiteness’ (McLaren, 2004). In this challenging ontological moment I experience my ‘I’ as a complex encounter with living contradiction:

I have conducted a postcolonial educational enquiry and I am writing my thesis in order to establish that speaking truth to power is a necessary but insufficient condition for a postcolonial practice. Developing personal clarity of the living logics of my postcolonial living educational theory is signal for how I pedagogise my practice, and further my understanding in respect of six professional questions that help me guide my educative enquiry and practice:

[1] How can I improve my Practice?

[2] How can I improve what I am doing here in my College, and in my educational research as a scholar-educator?

[3] How have I influenced the social formation of my College over a fourteen year period?

[4] How do I know that I am an enquiring teacher in British higher education?

[5] How can I live my values of humanity more fully in ways that extend my embrace of the other through my living logic held in my embodied ontological value of Griqua inclusivity that exceeds the constraints of Whiteness?

[6] How am I contributing my difference to a hope for the future of humanity in my practice of postcolonial and ‘Post-Race’ activism in ways that extend my embodied ontological values into the world as a postcolonial trace?

The kind of activism that distinguishes my postcolonial living theory from the propositional logic of much postcolonial theory (and educational research, too) is my belief that one should seek an audience that matters, and like Chomsky, the audience is not a passive body to speak at, or to. Instead I imagine the audience as ‘part of a community of concern in which one hopes to participate constructively.’ (2000: 21): and inclusively (Rayner, 2002).

This seems to be the hallmark of my postcolonial living educational theory as it carries my embodied ontological values into my living epistemological standards of judgement of (family) love in the relationship of ideas, critical analysis and hopeful possibility in a way that I would like to be held accountable as a professional scholar-educator. As I make this acknowledgment, I recognise that I am facing another task that is not exclusively a postcolonial one in the sense that Lyotard (1984) expresses below:

"A postmodern artist or writer is in the position of a philosopher: the text he writes, the work he produces are not in principle governed by preestablished rules, and they cannot be judged according to a determining judgement, by applying familiar categories to the text or to the work. Those rules and categories are what the work of art itself is looking for. The artist and the writer, then, are working without rules in order to formulate the rules of what will have been done." (p. 81)

How do I create my postcolonial living educational theory?

I create it without preestablished rules and I create it through a Self-Study account that is an artistic text, an imaginative formulation of the rules of what has been done in an enquiry of recover and discovery. And indeed, what I performatively continue to do is to discover what it means to be a postcolonial educator, to be Paulus, to be Griqua, to be.

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