To what extent have I, through my professional life, been able to demonstrate my ability to live through others?

I wanted ‘I’ to be the first word of the text. Hopefully, over the next 100,000 words or so, it will become apparent why.

This is me. I look quite happy and relaxed. This photo was taken in July 2004. I am the writer of the text you are reading. I think it’s important for the reader to be able to picture the writer so that they can begin to connect with him or her. This is not me being vain: look at the photo! Remember, the camera does put 10lbs on. There must be a few cameras on me at this point. Whilst I say I am the writer it is as much your job as mine to make sense of the text. I’ve tried to leave you as much work as possible so that you are involved: pretty much like my approach to teaching in the classroom.

Preface

‘And our world, as on a cinema screen, can be one in which messages are flashed, projected. Maybe we flash the messages, maybe we project them. But their meaning is left for us to decipher. This is true too of dreams, the cinema of the universal interior, the celluloid of sleep. But I’m not talking about that right now. I’m talking about the little secret messages that life sends us, sends to us alone.’ (Okri, 2003, p. 24)

What follows are some of the secret platonic messages that have been sent to me that I would like to share with you.

‘Oh Simon, I hope you’re taking your vitamins every day! You know, you don’t have to be the top of the class, we will still love you.’ (Mum and Dad, 1974-present)

I always remember these frequent words from my parents. There seemed, to them, to be some kind of link between the taking of vitamin tablets each day without fail, and happiness. Perhaps their nature is summed up in the fact that they didn’t push me that hard at school, when I was a student. To clarify this a little, I mean that they weren’t constantly demanding that I work, but rather left me to my own devices, knowing that support was crucial, rather than force. Maybe this is what gave me the comfort within a school setting. Maybe this has really influenced the way I am today. What ever it was, I certainly did feel comfortable, when I was there. Despite being school phobic for over twelve months when I was at Primary school, I still managed to leave school with straight ‘A’s’ at GCSE. But more importantly, I managed to leave with a passion for and commitment to gaining knowledge through education. I left valuing learning. This is something that would stay with me through the rest of my life.

I want to one day be a school leader. I want to direct and improve: I want the responsibility that goes with this. Perhaps more importantly, I want the chance to put my ideas on education into practice to improve the lives of those who interact with my school. Firstly though, I want and need to be an Assistant Headteacher. I want to be an exceptional Assistant Headteacher. I want to work with integrity and understanding of those around me. I want to respect others and be respected by them. I want to be able to live through those who I lead. I want to be able to use my position of influence to make students’ lives better. I want to move towards what I see is my purpose in life: I feel I am creating and re-creating my vision continually to align myself to the purpose that I feel my life is about. School Phobic to School leader: it’s an interesting journey and perhaps there isn’t any greater antithesis within education. This is how the story goes.

Research Question

I want to set out what I believe are the questions that I intend to answer throughout this thesis. The research questions are:

► How can I develop the sense of the voices of others within my text and be able to live through them within my work?

► How can I effectively do the job of being an Assistant Headteacher?

► How have my autobiographical experiences helped to create the educator that I am?

► How can I validate the style of work that I want to write within my text?

► How can I promote the proliferation and acceptance of teacher-research as a valid construction of educational knowledge?

► What can others learn form my own journey that I have taken into school leadership?

I feel that as a result of the changing leadership climate it is essential to consider how the next generation of school leaders has been trained to take over the mantel of school leadership. Treading the fine lines between schools growing their own leaders compared to allowing emergent school leaders the opportunity to learn from external courses such as National Professional Qualification for Headship is a real balancing act. I am interested in considering the extent to which my life and experiences so far have prepared me to be an Assistant Headteacher, and hopefully one day, a School Leader.

Essentially this Ph.D. thesis will take two perspectives on my own growing understanding of school leadership. The first perspective will be my exploration covering the six years of experience I have gained from beginning as a Newly Qualified Teacher to the point of being a Head of Faculty. The second part of this study will cover my first year in post as an Assistant Headteacher. I will be exploring the nature of the post of Assistant Headteacher as I live through it.

I am looking to establish that I will be firstly creating knowledge about the role of Assistant Headteacher; secondly, valuing and crediting teacher-research and teacher educative knowledge; thirdly, crediting and promoting action research as a form of teacher and leadership research.

Introduction

School leadership over the past few years in England has gone through a number of changes. The demands placed on being a School Leader have grown significantly. Leadership at all levels is now promoted: whether it’s at Headteacher level, running the school; senior level of a Deputy or Assistant supporting the development of the school; Head of Department or Year extending learning within their own particular aspects of the school; or even as a classroom teacher leading the students within your classroom. As a result of this, a number of initiatives have been devised in order to try and facilitate these changes: distributed leadership is one example of how Schools have attempted to change the approaches to the running of a school (Lumby, 2003). As the demands on teaching grows and improvements in practice searched for, and change constantly rears its head for instance in the form of the workforce reform agreements that demand changes in working practices, school leaders need to be ever more flexible, imaginative and creative in their approaches to running their schools. This issue was acknowledged within the NCSL Report by Court & Marian (2003) Different Approaches to Sharing School Leadership. For the purposes of this thesis the key issue to consider is how far this distributed leadership has embedded itself into the relatively new role of Assistant Headteacher. To what extent are Assistant Headteachers leaders? What is the role of an Assistant Headteacher? How much autonomy does this role carry? To what extent is an Assistant Headteacher being catered for within educative understanding of leadership? As I prepare to embark on my new role of Assistant Headteacher, I am wondering what the role will bring in terms of my own development.

Perhaps the second issue of concern to me is that essentially the literature surrounding leadership and management within schools is very often of a dull nature, where it exists at all. It is acknowledged that there is little research base into the role of Assistant Headteacher (………). Many written reports, mainly recently emerging from the National College of School Leadership are what I would call dry and as a result of this, far from engaging. I don’t sense the personal engagement with the topics or the links between writer and material. I feel that academics are doing to education what Tesco did to the corner shop: reducing the product to a homogenous and impersonal loaf of bread. I feel the passion that Evans (1995) feels when she comments:

‘My excitement at the possibility of using story in a creative way was related to my strong feeling that I would like teacher knowledge to be more widely shared in schools, to be accessible in its language, and to be captivating for its audience.’ (Evans, 1995)

I sense this same feeling in the way that traditional academic writing has written about School Leadership. I sense that more personalised and passionate accounts are required that reflect the nature of the profession, being a personalised and passionate profession.

In this respect I wonder who these traditional reports are written for? Who is the audience? Who is the readership? Do these reports really engage potential leaders and managers into reading them to improve their practice? Will these studies provide a sound research base to support the work of schools as they strive for improvement? Will the mere existence of a National College for School Leadership research database promote the development of community and promote the creation of new knowledge? Perhaps what I am looking for is something that has a little more bite: something that can engage the reader within the text and demand that they take note of the content. I am arguing that more of an impassioned response is needed, in the sense of Michael Polanyi’s (DATE) passionate participation of the knower within the production of the known. This thesis is my response to these concerns. This thesis is an Assistant Headteacher writing about being an Assistant Headteacher: it is a teacher-researcher writing about being a teacher-researcher. It is a text that supports s-step research as a way of positively influencing the practice of education.

It is essential that I begin with what I believe to be the central core vales that underpin both my own work and also this writing. These values have emerged from within my practice over the last six years and are integral to my own personal vision, but are also built from my own autobiographical experiences over time. Essentially, the value of living myself through others is the core element of this text, which I will explore in detail later on. It is through the claims I make that I wish to express my own living educational theory that has emerged, and is still emerging even at the point of writing this, over my professional career as a teacher and learner.

The Schools

It is important that the reader has a pretty clear understanding of the two schools that will feature within this text. I want to now outline for you my impression of the two Schools that have dominated my career to date and will further dominate this text.

Westwood St Thomas

Westwood St Thomas School is a 13-19 Upper School on the west side of Salisbury. Salisbury has a number of different types of schools within it, and Westwood is the only truly comprehensive school, drawing students from all backgrounds and abilities. The most recent OfSted report for Westwood St Thomas School for 1998 comments:

‘Both the key stage 2 performance of the contributory middle schools and the school’s own standardised test data indicates that the student cohort, though having a full range of ability, is significantly biased to the less able band. Far more students than usual, in a comprehensive school, are significantly behind their age expectation in attainment at entry and many have a range of literacy and numeracy difficulties. The overall capability of the student cohort is well below that of a typical comprehensive school. Whilst all students are well cared for, many experience a variety of social and economic disadvantage in their backgrounds…’ (Westwood St Thomas’ OFSTED Report, 1998)

Whilst this OfSTED report is a number of years old, in terms of being a school, it has struggled significantly with sustaining improvement in its performance over time.

Through my M.A. dissertation (2003) I explored in great detail the early part of my own career and how I felt the culture of Westwood St Thomas helped me to grow and supported me to reflect on and improve my own practice. I commented:

‘I joined Westwood St Thomas Upper School in September 1998 as a Newly Qualified Teacher just as the previous Head announced her retirement after many years of service to the school. I attached little significance to the timing of the two events, although some would argue that greatness must follow! However, the arrival of a new Headteacher from Bristol at the start of my second year was of such significance and direct influence over my career that I would only fully realise this four years later.

With this new Head came change. Even from my own inexperienced outlook on education at that time it was clear to see that staff seemed to have been crying out for a change of leadership that would be strong and creative: somebody who could take the school into the 21^st century. With the new Headteacher came that required change: a focus on teaching and learning; a coherent School Development Plan; a fresh approach to placing faith in staff to do their jobs; and ultimately, a desire to try things out.’ (Riding, 2003, p. 11)

And:

‘Significantly the shift was more direct, asking practitioners to move towards being reflective on their own practice and being responsible for this reflection. A sense of self development seemed to be implied through this with staff asked to initiate a process of change.’ (Riding, 2003, p. 13)

Within the School, the mentioned Headteacher was tremendously significant in implementing change processes and also in opening the door of possibilities in terms of how to improve individual practice. With him came support and understanding of how teachers can actively reflect on their practice and improve it.

At the point of leaving Westwood, the culture was changing due to the new Headteacher that was in post.

Bitterne Park

TEXT TO BE ADDED LATER ON

The content of the chapters

The following is a summary of the text that follows. I want to provide you with a brief outline of how I have structured the text.

1. Preface

Within this section you will begin the story. I hope the reader will be able to make the connection that I have tried to imply of starting my thesis with my parents and my relationship with them. I hope the reader will be able to acknowledge the value that I place immediately on relationships within my life and how I feel they help to construct the educator that I am.

2. Research questions

Within this section I want to give the reader the focus of this thesis and provide the reader with the questions that I intend to go on and explore within this text.

3. Introduction

Within this section I am trying to introduce the reader to the issues surrounding and framing this thesis. I want to introduce the reader to the two schools where I have worked and my impressions of these places.

4. Living myself through values

Within this section I want to explain to the reader what my own core values are that I attempt to live my life by. Within in this section I want to explore the nature of my understanding of educative practice. I want to be able to identify and understand how my practice has evolved to the present day. I want to explore the values that I hold as important and be able to demonstrate where I feel I am living or contradicting them within my practice. The core values emerge through:

- living myself through others

- living myself through teaching and learning

- living myself through the classroom

- living myself through leadership

Through these I want to give the reader a flavour of the people who have emerged as significant people within my career. I want to also paint a picture of my classroom and approaches to teaching and learning. I also want to show my approach to leadership.

5. Living myself through the criteria

Within this section I want to be able to explore the nature of the PhD criteria and be able to demonstrate what my evolving understanding of these criteria is and how I feel it applies to the work that I am undertaking. I will also explore my views on what constitutes educational knowledge.

6. Part 1 The Past

Within this section I want to be able to explain to the reader my own personal past that has helped to construct my value base. I want to explore the key influences on my developing understanding of educative practice. I will look at two key aspects of my Past: my self and my time at Westwood St Thomas School.

7. Section 1 The story of the self

Within this section I want to focus on the key personal issues that have helped to construct my self.

- Living myself through the past to create the present

- living myself as school refuser story

- living myself through interviews

Through these sections I want to be able to present a key reflection on my time as a school refuser and also be able to present the reflections of those who also had involvement in this event.

8. Section 2 The Westwood story

Within this section I want to show in detail my experiences as a teacher, manager and leader during my 6 years at Westwood St Thomas School as I moved from being a Newly Qualified Teacher to being a Head of Faculty. I want to try and understand how this has helped prepare me for Assistant Headship.

- living myself through the professional story

- living myself through the preparatory stage

- living myself as teacher-learner

- living myself as teacher-researcher

- living myself through curriculum change

- living myself as leader

Through these sections I want to be able to show and reflect on the range of different experiences that I have gained from my time at Westwood St Thomas School and be able to allow the reader to understand how these experiences have begun to prepare me for School leadership.

9. Methodology

Within this section I want to be able to show the nature of the methodology that I am using in order to support the claims that I am making. I want to essentially argue that I am using an emerging methodology that is resulting from the text that I am writing, rather than following a more traditional approach to methodology that seeks to outline and plan in advance of the research what needs to be done to find the answer to the research questions.

10. Part 2 The Bitterne Park story

Within this section I want to be able to record the experiences of my first year in post as Assistant Headteacher at Bitterne Park School. I want to be able to review my practice and focus on key issues that I have taken on within my role. I want to be able to come to some understanding of the role of Assistant Headteacher. I also want to be able to reflect on my own growing sense of educative practice in comparison to my understanding from Part 1 of this study.

- living myself as a new Assistant Headteacher

- living myself as leader

- living myself through teacher-research

- living myself through others

- living myself through change

- living others through myself

- living myself through reflection

11. Part 3 The implications of this study

Living myself through my Values

I want to be able to communicate to you the values that I feel are important to me within my life. I want to also be able to explain where I feel these values have emerged from over time. This is because I feel that my living values have emerged and are emerging as a result of the experiences that I encounter through my life, both educational and non-educational experiences. It is through these experiences, and significantly the dialogical experiences when I attempt to understand the others, that I move forward in my understanding of my own values. However, my values are rooted within my own autobiographical experiences: my professional self and personal self are intertwined and influence each other.

This reflects for me Senge’s (1990) sense of Personal Mastery:

‘Personal mastery goes beyond competence and skills, though it is grounded in competence and skills. It goes beyond spiritual unfolding or opening, although is requires spiritual growth. It means approaching one’s life as a creative work, living life from a creative as opposed to reactive viewpoint.’ (Senge, 1990, p. 141)

For me this sums up my approach to my career: the attempt to creatively embrace the opportunities that I have and be able to use this sense of creativity to be able to improve education.

I am in support of Whitehead (2003) when he comments:

‘I am suggesting that the unique constellation of values, embodied in the practices of each s-step researcher, moves the researcher to accept a responsibility to account for their own practice and learning in terms of their values.’ (Whitehead, 2003, p. 9)

This thesis is me taking responsibility to account for my own practice and learning, for others to encounter and validate.

Living myself through others

This educational value is one that has emerged and that I have been aware of and actively promoting since 2003. It is very much about a personal vision (Senge, 1990, p. 147) that I have for the practice of education. It came to me, very much out of luck and through a moment of inspiration: the gentle rain from heaven did indeed drop upon my pensive brow. To be more precise, it came to me at about 10.53pm just as I was getting into bed. The exact date I cannot remember. However, I was writing my M.A. dissertation at the time and I remember I was feeling as though something was missing from it. I remember trying to be clear on what it was that I was trying to do. The phrase living myself through others jumped into my head, pretty much as the idea for the ‘flux capacitor’ jumped into Doc Brown’s head as he fell off the toilet seat one day and banged his head in Back to the Future: we all know the impact of that episode! It seemed to sum up what my philosophy was: that I wanted to make things better for others; that I wanted to help others out. Perhaps it also encapsulated that I wanted to understand why others acted as they did. I remember that professionally I was going through a tricky time: that my Faculty was relatively inexperienced and I was finding it hard to both stabilise it and move it forward at the same time. Court (2003) comments, discussing a study of secondary headteachers and their approaches to leadership:

‘These heads “purposefully” distributed leadership in different ways at different stages of development in their schools. As they began, they were prepared to be firm and directive, “re-aligning” others to their “particular vision and values”. Then as their schools improved, they employed “more democratic leadership styles”. They “devolved” leadership by “working with and through teams…’ (Court, 2003, p.6)

In many respects the mental model I had for where I wanted my Faculty to be was very different from the position it was actually in. I wanted to know the individuals and collective better. As Court (2003) acknowledges, I needed to be able to direct my Faculty initially before allowing them a more consultative involvement within the improvement process. If I could live through them, then I felt I would find it easier to direct and improve them.

Some of the ways that I began to understand my Faculty better is through engaging with their teacher-research writings. In her assignment ‘How can I develop a positive working relationship within my classroom, which has an impact on learning?’ (2002) Toni, as member of my Faculty wrote:

‘It has been a great development within our department to place a real emphasis on the practice of Modelling the learning process to students. It was therefore quite shocking to see that despite my attempts to Model the process of exploring and creating texts in my classroom, I was effectively failing to Model the actual Learning process. It is my firm belief that the Teacher’s primary role is to be a constant Model of expectation and proactive learning in the classroom. However, I was presenting an open contradiction to the students through my negativity of body and verbal language.’ (Bowden, 2002, p.3)

and:

‘I was extremely fortunate to be involved in a department that held reflective approaches at the heart of its practice, and benefited from being able to share in two other Action Research enquiries taking place within my own Faculty. Action Research became a valuable tool for the focus of educational theory into practice.’ (Bowden, 2002, p. 3)

and:

‘Although I felt that the video evidence would assist my own evaluation of concerns and issues within the lesson I decided to take advantage of the supportive ethos of my department, and I invited my Head of Department to observe the Sample Lesson One. The culture of the department and school fully embraces reflective practice through the engagement of peer observation, which is designed to be a wholly informative and supportive practice. This use of peer observation allowed the video evidence to become part of a wholly reflective process:’ (Bowden, 2002, p.4)

‘On viewing the video evidence of Sample Lesson One I formed one key question with regards to the lack of positivity in the classroom: who was that awful Miss Grim standing, no sorry looming, in front of the class? It was most disturbing to witness the ways in which I attempted to control and teach the lesson, and I could not recognise the slightest suggestion of my own personality as I spoke to the class. This highlighted the key concerns that were preventing the progress of learning in the classroom: the lack of positive social engagement; the lack of constructive communication between students; and the ways in which my own attitude regarding the group, and its certain individuals, was limiting and restricting their independence and ownership of their learning.’ (Bowden, 2002, p. 5)

I can gain a great deal from these comments when reflecting on the teacher concerned. What comes through is the teacher’s passion and frustration at her own practice, yet the determination of her to actually want to improve what is happening within her classroom. For me, Toni’s comments support my own summaries of the culture of the Faculty that I was leading: a Faculty that really valued active-reflection on their practice and had learned how to actively-reflect. I get the sense from her writing that she was part of a team that was willing to improve itself. Further more, the honesty from the comments reflects a trust within the team to be able to honesty acknowledge that things needed to be improved and acted upon. I could sense form this that the potential to improve things was present within the team.

Living myself through Simon Ratcliffe

Simon is a significant other to me. I claim that I have been able to live through him. Simon joined Westwood in my second year as Head of Faculty at Westwood. To describe him as an enigma really does play down his character. He is somebody that seems to have been trapped within the wrong time period. He would have been more suited to living within the Renaissance: frilly cuffs on a large white shirt whilst painting some picturesque landscape would have suited him well. He is not a natural teacher. By this I mean that he came into the profession late after spending many years surviving as a painter in Ireland and he found it very difficult to adjust to the regulated and constrictive life of teaching. I first spoke to him on the phone, prior to his interview. We had been struggling to appoint anyone to fill a vacancy and Alan, the Headteacher, had had contact on the internet with Simon responding to an old advert. On the phone, Simon immediately made an impression on me: he could talk and he wanted to. Something about him connected with me: he seemed passionate and interesting: he was engaging and easy to listen to. He had a sense of warmth in his voice that I liked. He came for interview and got the job: no-one else had applied! He spent two years working with me at Westwood. He eventually became my 2^nd in Faculty. At the start though, he struggled. He couldn’t understand the students and they found it hard to ‘get him’. He was creative, very creative and he wanted to use this in the classroom: but the students couldn’t get this as they weren’t used to it. I worked hard with him to allow him his creativity, but to still work within the boundaries that the students understood. He liked to work at the boundaries that existed and this made him all the more appealing. I tried to allow him to ‘creatively comply’. What struck me the most was his sense of personalisation of education: he spent so much time working one-to-one with students, getting the best from them. He couldn’t organise anything very well and didn’t understand the whole management and leadership culture, but he didn’t need to. I realised his skills and allowed him to play to his strengths: he knew my strengths and allowed me to play to mine. I have asked Simon to read and respond to my own writing because I feel he has so much to contribute to my own development and growth as well as what he can offer to the world. I received the following email response after his first reading of this text:

‘Dear S,

I've read the opening to your phd thesis and it flows really well; there is a lucid quality to it, like a polished lens designed to see far off but with no loss of focus. It was marvellous to vanish through the wormhole in time and appear again in your childhood. The quotation about the vitamin tablets was so rich with detail and humour, I wanted to hear more but I felt you left enough space around the narrative to keep it intimate and true. Any more information would almost break the spell of the looking glass magic into the past. As well as the power of vitamins to enhance performance you should tell them about the enriching properties of coffee, cigars, smuggled lager, table football and penguin bars. 

The whole tone is different to your previous writing, I like the fact that the literary allusions of the past work fade out and the more honest revelations fade up: I enjoyed the way you have the shifted the emphasis from Henry V's regal battle cry to the real stuff of life, to be found in the boys with the baggage. I think the playing about with scale is what helps to bring out the message. You seem to eat a piece of the mushroom that takes you to the lofty heights of National Professional Qualification for Headship then you nibble a bit that shrinks you down to an NQT flea. That gives the narrative a range of contexts in which to hear the range of voices, so vital to your approach. It feels like Greek theatre in a way, with the Gods on one stage sharpening their thunderbolts, generally throwing around their weight, and the mortals on another, trying to make a decent fire and stopping the pupils from throwing themselves out of the window. (Thank-You Simon Brown for that priceless memory)

This self collapsing, reconstructing, box of tricks narrative is perfect for the job.

I loved this comment: 'I feel that academics are doing to education what Tesco did to the corner shop: reducing the product to a homogenous and impersonal loaf of bread.'

Your narrative is definitely not Tesco's more like a french market, where the goods are still flapping and clucking in the basket.

I'm looking forward to plucking and roasting a few more pages later,

Included are some bits and bobs connected to the opening few pages.

On my mark, unleash hell,

S.’ (Emailed received on 30 June 2004)

I am immediately taken aback by this. I am reminded of working with him and his way and manner which I felt so appealing and warming. I remember how things do seem to be so different now. His style of writing jumps from the page and speaks to me so much. I like his construction of his response: I know it is a construction, but I still like it, because this is his character: he is a character. I like his secret platonic messages that he provides: the Henry V references re-ignite the passion of our relationship as I remember what they play means to use both and the lengthy discussions we have both had about it: the metaphorical allusions to Alice in Wonderland; Gladiator; The Disorderly Women; and Frenchness are all intertwined within our personal relationship. I read and I smile again, as I did many times within our working relationship.

Beyond this he also sends me further comments, which are centred on a book he is reading, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (1974) by Robert Pirsig. His comments are such that I can feel the sense of mystery: that he is trying to send me cryptic messages that I must crack. I feel as though I am becoming a detective character in this novel that I am writing and as I move through each episode I am the one who can solve the crime for others. I read his quotes that he has included but I sense he wants me to understand more that just the words he has included.

Simon will pop into this text from time to time as I try and value his voice and contribution that he has made to me as an educator.

Living myself through Toni Bowden

Toni is also a significant other to me. I am also claiming that I have been able to live through her. Toni arrived also in my second year as Head of Faculty. Toni was pretty much straight from University. She stayed three years at Westwood and left the same year that I did. She became my KS3 Co-ordinator. What struck me the most about Toni was her passion and her incredibly high standards that she set herself and demanded of others around her in all that she did. She was very dedicated and idealistic. At first she struggled to understand the way that schools worked and couldn’t see why perfection wasn’t possible: she always seemed to be fighting against something, whether that was internal or external. Over time, she has begun to understand and fight fewer battles. Toni was also very centred on giving students the best of herself: giving students the personalised approach to learning. When she first arrived she was timid but over time she has warmed to the profession. During her time with the teacher-research group Toni wrote about……………………….

I commented in an M.A. assignment on the Management of Staff Development, referring to my attempts to implement the National Literacy Strategy within my Faculty:

‘One of things that I don’t want to lose sight of when attempting to implement this new strategy is the make up of the team that I am attempting the strategy with. My department is a new department consisting of three NQTs, one teacher starting her second year of teaching and a more experienced Head of Faculty. Under these circumstances it is essential that consideration be given to the staff that I will be working with.’ (Riding, 2001, p. 9)

This reflects for me my normal experience of the time that I have spent in my career so far. I have experienced a great deal of change and fluctuation in terms of staff and this has perhaps influenced my own practice greatly. I feel I have always valued the importance of people and building a sense of spirit quickly with those I work closely with: bonding has always been important to me. Indeed, my best man at my wedding is my previous 2^nd in Faculty, Simon. In essence, I wanted to live through these problems and the difficulties that others were experiencing: to be able say ‘Yes, I know it’s difficult, but it will get better…trust me, I can help you.’ Perhaps this is it: I wanted them to trust me in what I was saying was accurate and in order for them to trust me they needed to see that I was engaging with them: that I was living through them. I can distinctly still remember when Simon, a colleague who was having a really difficult time in his first year of teaching coming to me to let me know he had had enough and wanted to resign from his job. I remember listening to him and clearly giving him what became to be the must important and crucial piece of advice I’d ever given to him. It was simple: he was constantly asking his low ability students in lessons to multi-task and they simply couldn’t do it. When I pointed this out, it was like the penny was dropping for him. From that point onwards, he improved significantly.

Within my own M.A. dissertation I attempted to establish a definition of what living through others as an educational standard of judgement means. I commented:

‘‘Living myself through others.’ As I listen to those words there is an echo of them that reverberates around my head. I have tried to come to some understanding of what these four words mean: the sum of them together, I believe, is greater than the individual words themselves. I believe that these four words are the educative value by which I have been working over the last three years. I am establishing that through my own experiences as a teacher-researcher working within the Westwood St Thomas teacher-research group, I have been able to try and come to a greater understanding of my own practice. Fundamentally, I am trying to establish that the interactions between people have the potential to improve educational practice. It is these interactions that have the power to move educators forward as they are able to provide the circumstances required for meaningful reflection. ‘Living’ implies that the work is taken from something that is still in the process of developing. ‘Myself’ implies the nature of the autobiographical account that I wish to contribute to educational knowledge. ‘Through’ implies that I am interacting with others to try and aid my own professional growth and understanding of the work that I am undertaking, and consequently as a by-product, improving theirs. The ‘others’ is the sense of sharing and collegiality that encourages a growing of epistemology to aid professional improvement. Within the narrative framework of this dissertation, I want to explore my belief that the future I can create is embedded within the narrative past that I have come from: it is the sharing of these narratives, through working with others that will allow me to understand my present and future. I believe that through taking stock of these past narratives, my own future may well be better. I believe that this sharing is crucial as it will help me to avoid distorting the views that I may have of my own self-importance. As you read through this account, ‘Living myself through others’ is the value that you should try and judge the effectiveness of the writing by. Through my exploration of my part in trying to understand how a group of teacher-researchers is working I have tried to explore what I have gained from being a part of this group. My own strength and honour, I hope, will allow me to account accurately the pictures I have seen.’

(Riding, 2003, p. 7-8 MA dissertation)

Essentially I think that I have moved on from this understanding of this educative value. I think that it is more than just my experiences from the teacher-research group that has allowed me to live by this standard of judgement: I believe that it is my career and all aspects of it that I am living through this standard of judgement. I do firmly still believe that it is a reflection of the power of the educative narrative which allows the development of educational practice and it is using the narrative to live through others by allowing them a voice within my text which will allow me to understand them better. This is why I am writing this Ph.D.: to try and understand what I have learned, how I have helped others, how others have helped me and to allow others to learn from my own experiences.

Further to this I also believe that this educative value is partly about being a working class value. In order to try and explain this I need to recount from my past. I believe that my parents lived out this value to the extreme, like many parents do. They seemed to, and still do, live their lives through their children. Neither of my parents have many formal qualifications, yet they were able to instil a sense of success within their three children that promoted each of them to want to be the best that they could be. Essentially, my parents lived through me and my successes: my graduations have been theirs; my results have been theirs; my promotions have been theirs. I think that they reflect a world in which caring more for the other is more important than caring for the self. I think they reflect what sacrifice is and understand the meaning of the word in relation to their own children. Without their sacrifices I do genuinely believe that I would not be at this laptop today writing this thesis. I think this experience has led me to be able to actively empathise with others as I have seen it in action: my parents’ ability to whole-heartedly put me first in anything has demonstrated to me a level of human emotion and compassion that makes the world, and in particular my world, a better place. In many respects, my parents are a living example of how informal appreciative inquiry can work.

Satre explores this sense of self and other within Being and Nothingness (2003) and of particular interest is the way he reflects on the importance of allowing the other the opportunity to express themselves. He comments:

‘In short, if the Other is to be a probable object and not a dream of an object, then his object-ness must of necessity refer not to an original solitude beyond my reach, but to a fundamental connection in which the Other is manifested in some way other than through the knowledge which I have of him.’ (Satre, 2003, p. 277)

I hope through out this text I am able to reflect to you, the reader, the sense of the other within it: that you are able to engage with the others that exist within it as I attempt to give them their voice, rather than me simply relying on my own knowledge of them through description.

The dialogue to search for further qualification of the value of living through others is something that recent discussions with Mark Potts, Deputy Headteacher at Westwood St Thomas School and member of the Westwood teacher-research group, exchanged via email, have been able to demonstrate the fluidity of the nature of educative values and in particular the nature of the value of living myself through others. This is one example of my attempts to empower the other through giving them their own voice within this text. He commented:

‘Simon

I knew it would come. I have been thinking about this idea of yours. I am thinking about it in relation to my dissertation on presencing and mindfulness etc.. I am interpreting it as in my words - How I am influenced by others and how I graft the traits/personality/characteristics of others on to my own living presence?

Is this how you see it?

How did you first come up with the phrase?

Mark’

(26 February 2004)

I reply:

‘Dear Mark

good day off in the snow?

great to hear this. i have attached an extract from my PhD were i am talking about the moment and also how i am now moving on with my understanding. my latest additional to my understanding is arguing that this is a 'working class' value instilled into me by my parents as a result of their experiences and values. does this connect to your past? would be interested to hear your thoughts.

section attached

strength and honour

simon’

He replies:

‘Simon

Thanks for this. It is interesting. I have to think how it relates to my thoughts on presencing and mindfulness for my dissertation. It is an interesting value and I am certainly close to you on the idea of day to day interactions influencing our practice and that of others. The notion of others trusting us is interesting. I am also discovering the importance of trusting myself and my own judgement as well. I think this is more secure as I understand my own value base more. Claxton led me to consider how to become a more effective intuitor and part of this is, I think, trusting your intuitive judgements. I am less sure about the claim that it is a working class value. I hesitate here because I remember my own learning as part of my Social Science first degree. I just remember that the whole notion of class is a minefield when approached from a politicial and sociological perspective. Defining working class is difficult. To talk about working class, as opposed to middle class values, is even more difficult.

Mark’

And:

‘More thoughts

What about living others through myself? I wonder whether this gets nearer to my idea of "grafting the traits/ personality of others on to my own living presence". I am thinking about how others influence me here. Understanding this can help me to understand how I can influence others through my presencing. By considering "Living Myself Through Others" and "Living Others Through Myself" there is more of a notion of interaction and interdependence, a recognition that the influence is both ways. Is this a value that you can identify with?

Mark’ 

I reply:

Dear mark

great to hear your dialogues with yourself and your internal struggle with pinning down ideas....i know it well. i like your ideas but the 'living others through myself' implies to me that the 'I' is at the centre of the living and that others are influencing the 'I' - the 'I' is almost like a buddhist self(?) that allows others to inhabit it for a time to develop before moving on: in terms of an analogy, it's like the 'I' is a flower filled with nectar and the 'others' are the bees that drink from it?

whilst i like this, living myself through others implies for me more of an active role for the 'I' - the self. it's almost like the 'self' going in search of the 'other' in order to help it live: the flower goes searching for the nectar to fill it before the bee can drink. perhaps though, living others through myself is the natural progression for this: it is the next step. once the self has found the other, it is then there to be drank from? perhaps this is something about how you are at a different stage of your career than i am: as deputy head your role is different to mine as HOF?

really enjoying this dialogue

strength and honour

simon’

For me this dialogue is one of the ways that I am able to connect with another member of the teacher-research community, but also one of the ways in which I can connect with another member of my School community as we both strive to deepen our understanding of the nature of education and learning. It is the sense of two practitioners extending and qualifying their understanding of values in order to improve their practice which is so evident. Furthermore, I would argue that this is one example of the way in which I am holding up my claims to account within the teacher-research community. Whitehead (2003) argues:

‘…the nature of ‘first person’ or ‘I’ enquiries provide ontological connection to the epistemological standards. In other words it is a form of research that requires of the researcher a willingness to hold himself or herself to account in terms of values.’ (Whitehead, 2003, p. 8)

Essentially my debates with Mark are part of my willingness to hold my values up for debate. I would further argue that the role of a School leader is being able and willing to hold your values up for account by others.

Further to this, my willingness to hold myself, values and experiences to account with the teacher-research group itself, as a form of validation, is also important. This is important in the sense that I am validating my work through other teacher-researchers, who are also willing to share their views and values. For instance………

INCLUYDE VIDEO EVIDENC FROM SESSION COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WHEN I ASKED THE GROUP WHY THEY CAME EACH WEEK.

I am reminded of Whitehead’s (1993) comments in relation to ‘living’ theory within his own educational research, commenting:

‘By a ‘living’ theory I mean that the explanations generated by the theory to explain the educational development of individuals contain an evaluation of past practice and evidence of present practice which includes the ‘I’s’ intention (a human goal) to produce something valued which is not yet in existence.’ (Whitehead, 1993, p. 80)

This reflects the dialogue between me and Mark as we continue to explore our educational development. The notion of living theory is something that I can engage with, particularly in terms of my understanding of living myself through others, where I define living as something that is in process. Essentially, this thesis is an example of living educational theory as it attempts to explain my own educational development through past reflection and future projection.

I would argue that this type of dialogue as illustrated in the email above with Mark is an example of the life affirming force and energy (Whitehead) that is present within teacher-research. This reflects Evans’ (1995) thoughts in her thesis, where she comments:

‘I believe that through the support of action research methodology, particularly, the support of the community of action researchers and the dialogue these communities promote, teachers can become effective researchers of their practice and contribute to both educational research methodology and epistemology, not in the form of ‘critical theory’ but in the sense of ‘living educational theory’.’ (Evans, 1995)

Again, as I exchange email dialogue with Mark I am aware of the support and challenge we are providing for each other as we wrestle with our understandings of our values and practice. Through these dialogues, we are developing the epistemology and also contributing to a living methodology that is responding to the nature of the relationship that we have.

This reminds me of the notion of Coleridge’s Eolian Harp as a symbol of spontaneous inspiration and life-force itself, as he comments about the life that a mere breeze can bring to the harp itself:

‘And that simplest of Lute,

Placed length-ways in the clasping casement, hark!

Like some coy maid half yielding to her lover,

It pours such sweet upbraiding, as must needs

Tempt to repeat the wrong!’ (Coleridge, The Eolian Harp)

To me, the mere breeze is reflected in terms of the quality of relationships established through teacher-research, as they gently flow across the Eolian Harp of education, bringing life to it.

Kincheloe (2003) further reflects this notion in his vision of teacher-research and reflects Whitehead’s (1993) comments of the need for experiential learning and reflection within education, commenting:

‘In such a new democratised culture teacher scholars begin to understand the power implications of technical standards. In this context they appreciate the benefits of research, especially as they relate to understanding the forces shaping education that fall outside their immediate experience and perception. As these insights are constructed, teachers begin to understand what they know from experience. With this in mind they gain heightened awareness of how they can contribute to the research on education. Indeed, they realize that they have access to understandings that go far beyond what the expert researchers have produced.’ (Kincheloe, 2003, p. 18)

It is my claim that the greater extents to which I can live the value of living through others within my everyday life, the greater contribution I can make and help others to make to the improvement of educational practice as I recognise and support the view that teacher-researchers embody a wealth of untapped knowledge within them.

I can further reflect on Whitehead’s (1999) comments:

‘…I moved to consider my influence on others. Thus, in the third enquiry, ‘How do I help you to improve your learning?’, the standards are expressed in terms of an extension of my discipline of education into my educative relations as a supervisor of Ph.D. practitioner-researchers.’ (Whitehead, 1999, p. 10)

For me the essence of Whitehead’s comments here reflect my own living standard of judgment of living through others. In order to help others to improve their learning it is necessary to extend and develop the ability of both parties to be able to live through the experiences that the other has and understands. I wonder to what extent I can improve Jack’s learning as he begins to appreciate and understand my own living educational theory and embodied values?

Living myself through others is also further extending my own understanding of the methodological approach that I am taking through this thesis. I am arguing that methodologically I am also living through this process, alongside others, to help create the reality that is being constructed through this study. Kincheloe (2003) supports this approach commenting:

‘Critical teacher researchers reject the positivistic notion of internal validity which is based on the assumption that a tangible, knowable reality exists and research descriptions accurately portray that reality. Our reconceptualisation of validity discards the concept of internal validity, replacing it with the notion of credibility of the researcher’s portrayals of constructed realities.’ (Kinceheloe, 2003, p. 168)

Living myself through education I am drawn to consider exactly what is education? What does it mean? Education for me is about change, improvement, creativity. It’s about dialogue and democracy. It’s about letting the disempowered speak. It’s about support and challenge. It’s about the work I’ve done with Daniel, a Year 12 student.

Daniel is a Year 12 Media student that I have taught this year. I had never taught him before. I was surprised by the quality of the work that he produced: he is a clear grade ‘A’ student within this subject. However, beyond this I feel that I can connect with him. He is a very mature student but I sense his passion for the subject that I so much love. I can understand where he is coming from and the comments he makes are so reflective of the way I read texts. I wanted to support and help him as much as possible. Partially, I feel, because I felt guilty about leaving his group at the end of Year 12 to move to my new school, but also because I believe he has a great deal of potential.

I asked Daniel to reflect on his experiences of my teaching because I wanted to know why it was that he was succeeding within my own lessons. He commented through email: