How do I understand
my values of humanity in the classroom?: an educational enquiry.
MASTERS ASSIGNMENT
Patricia Kelly,
John Bentley School, Calne
March 2005
I
concluded that the way for me to demonstrate 'emotional intelligence' in my
teaching was to be as honest as I could; be patient concerning discipline by
talking to the pupils first before deciding what, if any, punishment was
necessary; and bringing life issues into the classroom. The way this
enquiry is going to unfold is that I will be considering whether my humanity
does have an impact in the classroom by considering my own personality and why
I became a teacher; by outlining how I have conducted this enquiry; describing
the reflective journey that has made me the teacher I am today; listing the values
that I believe I bring to the classroom; and focusing on the 2 areas that I
believe are important – love at work; and honesty in the classroom. As my
educational enquiry unfolds I intend to demonstrate my critical engagement with
the ideas of others in both its formation and development. I also intend to
judge the value of my enquiry in terms of my educational influence with my
pupils in their learning.
When I applied for my job in January 2003 at John Bentley School, in my
application form I wrote "I agree with the aim of the National Curriculum
that promotes 'spiritual, moral, social and cultural development, making them
[pupils] more confident and responsible both in and beyond the classroom.' If I could not teach with that aim in
mind then I would not be teaching Religious Education." (Letter of Application, 2003)
I was impressed by my previous visits to the school before I began
teaching practice and felt the school could meet its claims that "our
students develop important qualities such as confidence, responsibility,
leadership skills and compassion."
The school also stated
clearly how they put these Values into Practice by showing The
Power of Education – 'a crucial sense of possibility; Valuing as
Individuals; All Our Young People Deserve Our Professional Best. (John Bentley School Prospectus,2001)
I chose to teach Religious Studies because it gave me a chance to teach
pupils life skills and about humanity.
I became spiritually aware as a young adult when I read Jonathon
Livingstone Seagull. "People
who make their own rules when they know they're right...people who get a special
pleasure out of doing something well (even if only for themselves)....people who
know there's more to this whole living thing than meets
the eye: they'll be with Jonathon Seagull all the way. Others may simply escape
into delightful adventure about freedom and flight." Bach (1972, page 96).
I cannot think of anything more significant in my educational enquiry
than to show how the expression of love and honesty in my educational
relationships, influences the learning of my pupils. I share Gaita's (2000, pp.
xv-xxxvii) commitment to love and truth as being defining qualities of our
common humanity. (See Appendix 1)
I have
always aimed to be honest, conscientious and considerate of other people's
feelings. In fact one of my
friends said that these qualities were so embedded in me that I was the only
person she knew that could make them seem like a fault. I always felt that my honesty was
not seen as a positive quality and that it was not a valued attribute in
today's world.
I decided to try to be a positive role model. I try to be polite and positive with my classes and try to
treat them as the young adults that they are. I strive continually to show my values of humanity in the
classroom.
Before
I could discuss how I show my values of humanity in my teaching , I have had to
consider me, my personality and especially the journey I have been on to be the
best teacher I can be. This writing was important for my educational enquiry
because it clarified the reason I am so passionate about religious studies and
the loving and life-affirming energy I believe I bring into my educational
relationships. I have placed this writing in the Appendix so that the reader
can understand better the grounding of my passion and values of humanity.
The research method I have used is based on the work that Jean McNiff
(2002) has completed to help new action researchers. I have always been a very
reflective person and I am able to very quickly reflect, adapt and trial my
ideas. McNiff's idea of "action
reflection as a cycle" matched the way I think and work. This is to
"identify an area of practice to be investigated;
imagine a solution;
implement the solution;
evaluate the solution;
change practice in light of the evaluation...
This action research cycle can now turn into new action research
cycles, as new areas of investigation emerge. It is possible to imagine a series of cycles to show that
processes of developing practice." (McNiff, 2002 page 9)
I agree with her view that research should be the basis to begin new
questions and not necessarily provide answers. I firmly believe that the day I feel close to the answers is
the day I stop teaching. McNiff has worked with Whitehead in developing the
idea that teacher-researchers can generate their own living educational
theories (Whitehead, 2005, Whitehead & McNiff, 2004) as they enquire into
the educational influences of their values of humanity in the learning of their
students. (Whitehead, 2004).
Before
I began my second year of teaching (there are some notes about my experiences
on my PGCE course and first year of teaching in Appendix 2) I reflected on what
I could do better and invested in books that could give me the ideas. I particularly enjoyed the book by Sue
Cowley; Getting the Buggers to Behave 2.
I began as a 'tough' teacher. I had been reading Sue Cowley's book and
tried to follow the guidelines for a 'strict and scary' teacher.
"The
demand is for perfect behaviour at all times.
There
is a high level of control over the students, for working in complete silence
during the lesson.
There
is little or no negotiation of rules or boundaries for behaviour with the
class. What the teacher says goes.
The
teacher tends to shout at students when applying a sanction.
Frequent
use is made of sanctions to control the class
Sanctions
are applied at the first sign of misbehaviour." (Cowley,2001
page 56)
I looked at the list of advantages and
disadvantages to match this style of teaching and could only see the advantages
of having a well behaved class who knew their boundaries exactly and produced
excellent work.
The
truth was somewhat different. I dictated from the front of the class, lost my
temper at bad behaviour and demanded respect. As a result, I had a miserable
first term and I do not believe behaviour improved, as pupils tried to 'kick
against' me. I seemed to do lots
of shouting, be completely worn out, only notice the pupils who were not
working to a high standard and did not feel that I was having any success. This style for me was a complete
failure.
In
November, I saw the light. We had
an INSET day focused on how to be an assertive teacher. On looking at the qualities needed I
realised that this was me. I did not
need a new style I just had to fine tune the old one. I went back to Sue Cowley's book to consider my new
position. I looked at her
description of a "firm but fair" teacher.
"The
teacher tells the class what is expected, but normally does not need to.
The
teacher will shout if necessary, but normally does not need to.
The
work is made interesting, and the students are set hard but achievable targets
The
teacher does use sanctions, but will give a series of warnings first.
The
teachers get to know the students on a personal level." (Cowley, 2001 page 57)
This
has made me a much better teacher and one who enjoys her job again. I do try to get to know my students on
a personal level and seeing them grow over the year gives me immense
satisfaction, especially the maturing slowly of my year 7 tutor group.
The
downside is that some pupils consider me soft and I have a battle to get them
to achieve as much as I would like.
The majority who do work well really impress me because they have done
it for themselves and not because of fear of my reaction.
This
now left me to consider the question 'How do I show my Values of Humanity in
the classroom?' I concluded that
there were 5 main areas that I did in my classroom that showed my qualities of
humanity.
I am going to focus on 2 areas from this list; 'love at work' reflecting
on the current research by Daniel Cho (2005) connecting love and pedagogy; and
the use of honesty in the classroom both towards individuals and using real
life as a method of teaching to inspire learning in Religious Studies.
SHOWING
MY 'LOVE' or 'LOVE AT WORK'
Cho's research about love in pedagogy was focused on sexual love with Cho considering Jacques Lacan's view of "the Erotic Classroom". Cho was talking more about college age students which was not relevant to the teaching of secondary children but he raised some issues that hit a note for me and the way that I teach.
Cho challenges the idea that the State wants learning where the teacher imparts knowledge but is disengaged from their students:
"For the State, learning standards
represent the complete set of knowledge with which education should be
concerned. Accordingly, teachers need only teach to the standards as
impartially as possible. If love is to exist in education at all, it can only
play a peripheral role — that of motivating students to perform to the
best of their abilities in the acquisition of knowledge and to display this
knowledge on standardized tests. " (Cho, 2005, page 80)
It is my belief that for many pupils the teacher is a facilitator of learning, the pupils are motivated in their own self improvement and the teacher provides the key to this knowledge. The teacher is therefore able to build a barrier between themselves and the pupils. However, for other pupils the teacher needs to be so much more, especially where they are feeling both excited and insecure about the world around them. I believe that Religious Studies taps into these feelings and that a good Religious Studies teacher needs to show understanding of the needs of the young adults that school produces. If they cannot express their ideas and worries in this forum then when can they? "According to Valenzuela, two kinds of care exist: aesthetic care and authentic care. Aesthetic care is concerned with what she calls the technical aspects of education (knowledge, grades, behavior, and the like): ''Schools are structured around an aesthetic caring whose essence lies in attention to things and ideas.'' Against aesthetic care, Valenzuela gives a second account of care — authentic care, which ''emphasizes relations of reciprocity between teachers and students.'' The proper pedagogy of care is the one that passes from aesthetic to authentic care, a transition marked by the establishment of reciprocity: ''When the cared-for individual responds by demonstrating a willingness to reveal her/his essential self, the reciprocal relation is complete.''(Cho, 2005, p. 87) As a student teacher I watched an experienced teacher in action over several weeks. She was a good example of a firm teacher showing excellent "aesthetic care." The pupils appeared to learn and their work was to a high standard. However, there was no open relationship there. This was a forum for formal learning and no discussion or challenge. The classroom to me did not feel comfortable. This experience focused my need to establish a definite teaching style for my first school placement. I did not want pupils to learn religion as a series of facts and stories. I wanted them to consider what they could learn to help them in their own lives. I wanted pupils to consider Religious Studies as the subject where they were free to share their view of the world without being laughed at or thought stupid.
My mentor at my second school taught PSRE was also firm and 'scary' (she frightened me at first!) and pupils worked to a high standard and behaviour was fantastic. Year 7 did not really open up to her but further up the school pupils knew that they had a teacher who listened and cared. She would give practical advice while empowering them to consider their own decisions. I valued that teacher because she inspired trust and openness. I gave Year 11 a questionnaire about my teaching and one pupil when asked what she enjoyed about the GCSE course answered; "I learnt that if I ever was in trouble, I could go to Mrs Kelly." (B, October 2004) This girl was in a difficult class for which I needed behavioural support from another teacher in Year 10. If there was ever an example of 'love at work', it is my success with 11J3 who are now a class able to discuss issues and ideas.
The turning point with this class was when I was asked which of my 4 year 10 groups I wanted to take into Year 11 and I chose 10J3 even though they were my hardest class. I had invested so much of my time, my energy and care into making them open there minds to the possibilities of the world that I did not want to lose them. When 10J3 found out that I had requested to keep them they asked me why as they were horrible to me. I simply answered that 'I was learning to love them and cared about their learning'. They are now my favourite class (though they can still be hard work but we have great discussions.) Cho makes it clear that he believes that love is the key to success in the classroom. Pupils can be challenged in their thinking while feeling safe that they are cared and protected. I emphasis the care here and not sexual love. "love has the power to inspire students to seek after knowledge, love can unite the teacher and student in the quest for knowledge, and the love of learning can even empower students to challenge knowledge thereby pushing its limits." (Cho, 2005, p. 79)
Most pupils in 11J3 now have the confidence to challenge their learning and know that I will give them as much feedback as possible even if it contradicts my own ideas e.g. we had a long discussion about the soul which they instigated. According to Valenzuela, "students are often frustrated with how the institution of education systematically fails them" in being able to explore their essential self. In frustration at school and society, many students bury and hide their feelings
"When the teacher can tap into this deeply guarded kernel of frustration, and when the student trusts the teacher enough to reveal this essential self, their relation passes from an aesthetically caring one to an authentically caring one. It is important to note that this essential self, while it can take many forms, very often is characterized by frustration, apathy, hatred, or some other disturbed emotion." (Cho, 2005, p. 88)
On the video is a discussion I had with 8J4. These are difficult pupils as they are of low ability but more importantly they have very poor social skills. They find it difficult to interact with one another in a positive way. I teach them 8 times on a fortnightly timetable and I am the teacher they see most consistently. Often my afternoon lessons are affected by what has happened during the day when issues between them have built up and they are not mature enough to leave them outside the classroom. Again, I try to be positive with them. I praise them when I can; I give them lots of chances to get their behaviour right; I will do circle time instead of Humanities if I feel that there are issues that need to be addressed before they can learn. In short I find the class difficult but individually I care about every single one of those 22 pupils. I had one particularly bad day when I saw them periods 4 and 5. I cried after they had left the room at 3.15pm. The next day I decided I would talk to them about how I was feeling and video their response. I did not plan what I was going to say I wanted the flow of conversation to come from them. The first part of the video (unfortunately which was missed) was my telling them that they had upset me and why. I admitted I had cried. I watched the video with my MA group and the words 'you care for us' came from several of the students in different contexts. My body language was what my tutor would call 'life affirming' and I showed obvious pleasure in speaking to these pupils. This was 'love at work in pedagogy.' I will end this section with Cho's conclusion; If education is to be a space of thought then.......... ''It is impossible to teach without the courage to love.''37
Honesty and Sharing Life Experiences
From
the moment I began teaching I have always been honest with pupils about how I
was feeling. I do not mean that I
would tell them about an argument with my family or that I had a hangover. However, I would tell them about how I
was feeling about their learning and their attitude in class. If they asked me a question, I was
honest. I always assumed that this
was what teachers did but I have begun to realize that it was not. I was told that pupils did not respect
teachers being honest and would abuse the information given but for some reason
most pupils seemed to respect my honesty and improve on their behaviour.
I was
greatly influenced in my approach by the work of Daniel Goleman (1995) on the
importance of 'emotional intelligence' and that being able to understand our
own and others emotions is more important for a successful life than high IQ.
"What
can we change that will help our children fare better in life? What factors are at play, for example
when people of high IQ flounder and those of modest IQ do surprisingly well? I would argue that the difference quite
often lies in the abilities called here emotional intelligence, which include
self-control, zeal and persistence, and the ability to motivate oneself. And these skills....can be taught to
children......." (Goleman,
1995 page xii)
Goleman
claims that emotional intelligence is more important today than ever as his
data "shows a worldwide trend for the present generation to children to be
more troubled emotionally that the last; more lonely and depressed, more angry
and unruly, more nervous and prone to worry, more impulsive and aggressive." (Goleman, 1995 page xiii)
I
concluded that the way for me to demonstrate 'emotional intelligence' in my
teaching was to be as honest as I could; be patient concerning discipline by
talking to the pupils first before deciding what, if any, punishment was
necessary; bring life issues into the classroom to prepare them for what they
needed in life; and teach challenging Religious Studies which makes the pupils
think.
There
have been many incidents in my first year of teaching where I spoke honestly to
certain pupils about how their attitude in my lessons affected me, how I had
spent time planning lessons at home instead of being with my children and that
they were making me question my priorities. One boy said that a teacher had never explained this to him
before and he never gave me any trouble again. In fact on the video of my current Year 10 he said that my
lessons were something to look forward to every week.
The
evidence I have used to support this is of me teaching 10B3 in 2003. I arrived at the school to begin
teaching compulsory Religious Studies to GCSE to 4 of the most negative and
disgruntled year 10 classes. They
were facing a new teacher who was teaching them a subject they did not see the
point of doing and I had no track record with them for them to respect my
opinion that it is relevant.
I kept
up a positive attitude and decided that I could have them work in silence and
learn no respect for the subject or I could try and make the subject as
relevant to them as possible by telling life stories and challenging their
beliefs through discussion. This
made behaviour difficult at first but gradually I have turned round the opinion
of most of my students now that they are in year 11. In a questionnaire, the majority of my Year 11 pupils wrote
that I had made a difference to their attitude in Religious Studies.
I was
videoed by my NQT mentor talking about abortion. I had introduced abortion to 3 of my classes and they acted
as if they were throwing rubbish away and not human life. I was not teaching anti abortion but I
wanted them to think about the meaning of life. One class's attitude was so bad that I cried in the toilets
afterwards.
With my
4th class I tried a new response. I told them that I had cried and why and I told them a story
of a friend who had had an abortion and her feelings about it now that she had
children later in life. The video
showed that the class were hooked and we went on to have the most positive
lesson I had had with year 10. I
told the story to the rest of my year 11 classes (and to the subsequent year
10s) who also listened attentively.
When I asked them what was the difference they acknowledged that it was
to them real life and not text books that meant nothing to them. From that day I have taught Religious
Studies GCSE in the same style – with truth, honesty and as real life as
possible using my life experiences to make it come 'alive'. My year 10s said on video that they
liked the life stories I used and one boy says that I must have a lot of
friends!
More
evidence that I want to use is the video of my year 10 class talking about my
lessons shows to me the importance of valuing the individual. I taught this class at year 9 and I
knew I would be teaching them Religious Studies to GCSE so I structured a long
term plan. They were noisy at
first and some were not willing to listen to me but I listened to them. I would send pupils out of the room to
consider what they were doing in my lessons and I talked to them individually
about their work and their attitude.
I did not give out detentions, I did not write comments in
planners. I simply kept speaking
to them individually in a positive way as much as I could. 10J2 began their Religious Studies GCSE
without a raising one complaint.
The
video shows 2 points clearly; one I am proud of and one that maybe needs
addressing. Firstly, they state
clearly that I treat them like adults, that I respect their opinion even if it
is different to mine and that I make the lessons relevant to them.
The
second point they made was that I 'could lose it big time' and that I should
give out more detentions. I have
to admit, one downside of my patient strategy is that sometimes I can get very
frustrated especially when the whole class appeared to not be listening, I have shouted very loudly on a couple
of occasions. Thankfully it is not
a regular occurrence and I apologised.
However, perhaps this is showing my humanity and that I am not
perfect. By apologizing am I
teaching them how to respond as adults when they make mistakes?
As my
educational enquiries continue to unfold I intend to strengthen their social
validity. By this I am that I will draw on the work of Habermas (1976) and check with my
peers that my accounts are comprehensible, that there is sufficient evidence to
support my claims, that the normative background of my account is made explicit
and that I show through interaction over time that I am committed to living the
implications of my beliefs.
I currently have a student working with me with my tutor group 7J0. He has observed me over 6 weeks and I
asked him to write about what he observed so to help validate my thesis. (For the full account see Appendix 5)
"This is not to say that Patty is a shining beacon of perfect
tutoring. She is merely very aware of her pupils' needs and anxieties. Being
only human, there are times when she says something particularly harsh to a
pupil, but the difference is that if she feels that she was overly harsh she
will turn around to the pupil and apologise, with an explanation about why she
reacted the way she did. This adds to the sense of fairness within the
classroom." (Patrick Kavanagh, PGCE student, April 2005)
I also intend to explain my educational influence in my pupils' learning
by connecting my expression of my values of humanity in my educational
relationships to evidence in my pupils' own voices about their learning. I asked J.R. a Year 11 boy to write
about my teaching of Religious Studies at GCSE. I chose him because he is articulate and not because he is a
model student.
"Mrs Kelly's approach......is a refreshing one............I have never known her
to be unfair in a given situation. ........Now I actually try within lessons to do
work and to express my opinion because I know an intellectual conversation on
the subject can be taken up, without patronising comments or dismissals." (J.R. Year 11 pupil, April 2005) See Appendix 6
I feel that ending with the student voice is the perfect way to conclude
my writing. J.R.'s class was
difficult and unresponsive in Year 10 and in Year 11 I see them once a week on
Friday period 5 so it is difficult to motivate them, especially when I am also
tired. My style of teaching requires patience and energy. I end the week exhausted. I was humbled by J.R.'s evaluation of
my teaching. If students can
notice and respond to my values of humanity then it makes it all worth while.
Appendix 1
"M
was watching a television documentary on the Vietnam War which showed the grief
of Vietnamese women whose children were killed in bombing raids. At first she
responded as though she and the Vietnamese women shared a common affliction.
Within minutes however, she drew back and said, 'But it is different for them.
The can simply have more'. That remark could mean different things in different
contexts. Coming from her I knew it to be a racist remark of a kind I trust is
easily recognisable... M did not mean that whereas she was sterile they were not.
Nor did she mean that as a matter of fact Vietnamese tended to have many
children. Hers was not an anthropological observation. She meant that they
could replace their dead children more or less as we replace dead pets."
(Gaita, p.58, 2002)
"Treat
me as a human being, fully as your equal, without condescension - that demand
(or plea), whether it is made by women to men or by blacks to white, is a
demand or a plea for justice. Not, however, for justice conceived as equal
access to goods and opportunities. It is for justice conceived as equality of
respect. Only when one's humanity is fully visible will one be treated as
someone who can intelligently press claims to equal access to goods and
opportunities. Victims of racial or other forms of radical denigration, who are
quite literally treated as less than fully human, would be - if they were to do
it. The struggle for social justice, I argue, is the struggle to make our
institutions reveal rather than obscure, and then enhance rather than diminish,
the full humanity of our fellow citizens.
To
speak, as I do, of fully acknowledging another's humanity will, I know, sound
like rhetoric to many people who would prefer to speak of recognising someone
fully as a person, or even as a rational agent, at least when, in philosophical
mode, they try to make perspicuous what really is the bearer of moral status.
My endorsements of Weil's remark - that love sees what is invisible - will
sound even worse to them. In this preface I can only plead that I mean both and
soberly. Later I argue that improbable though it may seem at first, placing the
weight that I do on our humanity and on love rather than on, say, the obligated
acknowledgement of rights, is more hardheaded than the longing to make secure
to reason what reason cannot secure, all the while whistling in the dark.
"(pp. xx-xxi)
"In
these examples, our mortality, our vulnerability to misfortune, our sexuality
are not merely matters upon which we exercise our sensibility. They define its
forms. We see the world as mortal, vulnerable, sexual beings. To adapt lines of
Wallace Stevens: Our humanity passes through us like a thread through a needle.
Everything we do is stitched with its colour.
It is
therefore deeply right that the forms of reflection and inquiry in which that
sensibility finds its natural expression should be called 'the humanities'.
Within the humanities, however, there are disciplines which look to science for
a prototype of the kind of inquiry that will reveal things as they really are,
and there are disciplines which look more to art for a model for it. I have
expressed and defended my sympathies for the pre-eminence of the latter kind of
inquiry because, generally, reflection on the human condition must respect the
inseparability of form and content if it is to avoid reductionism. Reflection
that aspires always to separate cognitive content from form that it takes to be
rhetorical and emotive, and reflection that respects the inseparability of form
from cognitive content both seek to be universal, but differently. The former
will try to purify thought of everything that it takes to be local, which will,
of course, be almost everything that resonates in a natural language.
If my
argument has been sound, the aspiration to that kind of universality will lead
to the construction of theories that constantly fail to notice what they take
for granted. Inevitably, I think, and without noticing it, they will describe
our lives more or less as M sees the lives of the Vietnamese, because to
capture and do justice to what distinguishes us from people seen that way, one
needs a richer set of critical concepts than is available to those
theories."
(pp.
283-284)
Gaita,
R (2002) A common humanity: thinking about love and truth and justice, London;
Routledge
Appendix
2
My PGCE
passed without a hitch, I loved every second of it and was more than willing to
follow the advice and guidance of two very strong mentors. My second mentor was wonderful, she
gave me strong guidance, had amazing discipline and the pupils loved her. The only down side was that she could
never tell me how she gained such strong discipline as she had perfected the
art over 20 years. I was happy to
follow her lead as well disciplined classes meant you could be a creative and
excellent teacher.
I
arrived at John Bentley School with enthusiasm and confidence; after all I was
one of the three out of thirteen who had made the initial pass list for the
PGCE on my course. What I had not
expected was the negativity for Religious Studies that I encountered at JBS
especially from my 4 year 10 GCSE classes. (At JBS the GCSE is compulsory.) Looking back, pupils at my training school were negative
about the subject but they would not dared have questioned my mentor.
I
tackled my teaching and pupils with the same philosophy that I tackled life;
with enthusiasm, faith and honesty.
If pupils upset me I would tell them so, even if I admitted they made me
cry. (I never told an individual pupil they made my cry as I did not want to
give them any burden of guilt). It
did not occur to me not to be honest about my feelings with them.
Appendix
3
My
first job after graduating was as a sales executive for a publishing company in
Bath. I proved to be very
successful at the job because I could not lie and my customers seemed to
realize this. I was probably the
only sales representative they knew who used to phone them if any mistakes had
been made in their advertising before they could phone me. (It certainly stopped people from
shouting at me.) I was good at
sales, my customers trusted me and I rose to the rank of Features and
Supplements Manager for an Oxford newspaper company. I was never really happy in the job.
While
in Oxfordshire events happened which changed my life completely and has
influenced the person I am today.
While living in Bath I had been trying for 3 years to become pregnant
with no success. I moved to
Oxfordshire and by some miracle, within a month I was pregnant. However, at 30 weeks pregnant I became
very ill with Pre-eclampsia Toxemia, a life threatening condition for me and my
baby. At 34 weeks, weighing only
3lbs and 3ozs, Roisin was born by emergency caesarian and rushed into special
care.
Her
condition was very good for a few days and then she needed an emergency blood
transfusion as her blood was too thick.
At the same time she had a brain hemorrhage and the blood was not able
to drain from her head. When
she was a week old I was told very matter of factly by a junior doctor that my
daughter's brain scan had shown she had dilated ventricles. This meant nothing to me and I remember
feeling panic and not being able to understand even if I wanted to. The more the doctor tried to explain,
in a very clinical way, the more I could not listen to her. Eventually a nurse said gently but
bluntly 'the brain scan shows that something is wrong but we do not know yet
what it is'. In my distressed
state I was convinced my baby was dying.
I was
then left to get on a bus and go home to wait for my husband. I cannot explain the pain and confusion
I was feeling, I am not even going to try. I remember at the worst moment while sitting on that bus, I
felt a sense of security, comfort and love. A feeling that if I had faith everything would be
alright. The feeling was the most
intense that I have ever had.
I went home and prayed something I had not done since a child.
Martin
and I were told a few days later that Roisin had hydrocephalus (fluid on the
brain) and a brain cyst that would burst and cause brain damage. We were told our daughter would not be
able to walk properly, talk properly and have learning difficulties. I remember the special care nurses were
waiting for the doctor to finish talking to us so that they could offer their
support and were amazed when I did not need it. I knew from the experience on the bus that Roisin and I were
being looked after and that this was a test of my faith. My faith was strong and we were going
to get through it.
Roisin
was allowed out of hospital on day release 2 weeks earlier than she should have
been. She amazed doctors by her
progress and was able to put off having a shunt (a tube from the brain to the
stomach which drains fluid from the head) until she was 10 months old when it
was less dangerous for her to have anesthetic.
From
that point on Roisin develop in leaps and bounds. She never learnt to crawl and she was slower to walk than
other children but when she did she walked fine all by herself. Her doctor described her as a miracle. Roisin will never be an athlete (but
with her gene pool it was never really on the cards) but her doctors to this
day have no explanation as to why
she has had no problems due to her birth.
She is at the top of her class and can talk nearly as much as her
mother.
The
doctors tried to find explanations for this miracle of medicine and I always
said I had passed the test and that this was my reward. I felt that all these years of not
being appreciated for the honest, unselfish behavior I had displayed was being
rewarded.
I
always felt that I was now on a path guided by God. I gave up my career as a
Sales Manager and waited to see what path opened up for me. I did not consider teaching until an
incident happened, which I will not bore you with, that required an instant
response and without thinking I said I am going to go into teaching. I sent for the application for primary
school and as soon as I read them I knew I wanted to teach secondary
school. My instinct on what was
the right thing to do was so sharp that I know it had to be inspired by some
force out with myself. I felt that
I had found a career where my qualities as a person would be of benefit to
others.
Appendix
4. Reflections on values of humanity.
At Key Stage 3, I try to ensure that I have strong discipline and gain
respect as a fair but firm teacher.
I also try to ensure that the Religious Studies lessons I teach are
enjoyable, relevant to their lives and I constantly challenge their ability to
think through an argument.
Hopefully, this will help me with these pupils in Key Stage 4/GCSE.
At GCSE, I make the course as relevant as possible. I tell true life stories from my
experience, my friends' experiences and the news. I have challenged their thinking while positively moving on
any bad/negative behaviour. My
strategy is beginning to bear fruit as my four year 10 classes from last year
produced good coursework and are responding well to the lessons in year
11. They are much more positive
about the subject.
I would
openly talk to them about my experience in having Roisin and how I found
God. This relates very well with
the euthanasia topic as the woman on the video had the same experience as me
which resulted in a premature, hydrocephalic child. She wanted to turn off life support and I found faith. Her
child had developmental problems while my child has been described as a
'medical miracle'. Every time I
talk about this it has been to a stunned silence.
As I want the classes to appreciate humanity, I also strive to be a
positive role model. I am polite
and positive with my classes and try to treat them as the young adults that
they are. I believe that last
year's Year 10s considered me a 'soft touch' but now most have come to realise
that I am not. After all, how can
classes have an open discussion on life issues with a teacher they are afraid
of and who does not respect their opinions.
Appendix
5
Validation
of my work with my tutor group from Patrick Kavanagh, PGCE student
I joined Patty Kelly's tutor group on the 28th of February. Since that
date, I have been amazed by Patty's ability to relate to the tutor group, both
as a group and on an individual basis. The group is boisterous, enthusiastic,
energetic and responsive. The tutor group consists mainly of boys. This is
perceptible within the group, but Patty is very aware of this and is
conscientious in making the girls feel that they are as much a part of the
group as are the boys.
On an emotional literacy basis, Patty is fine-tuned to the internal
workings of her tutor group. There is a large number of statemented pupils
within the group, and she is very aware of what motivates and undermines these
children. Patty is always prepared to listen to whatever issues or problems the
pupils have and she is extremely astute in how she filters and deals with what
the pupils tell her. The pupils evidently feel secure around her. She provides
a safe environment for them where they can externalise any issues or positive
experiences they might have. From the atmosphere within the group, it is
evident that the group is happy, secure, well cared for and that they appreciate
the work that Patty does for them.
On a different level, I have found her work with two pupils to be of
particular inspiration, D and P. D has aspergers syndrome and is statemented,
and P suffers from very low self esteem and is statemented. Patty is extremely
responsive to the two of these pupils needs and constantly goes that extra
distance in order to make sure that they feel valued, encouraged and safe. This
does not, however, take place at the expense of the other pupils, she is just
very aware of these two students particular needs and the progress that they
are making.
Patty is not afraid to reveal herself to the tutor group. They do not
just get to see Mrs Kelly the teacher, they catch a glimpse of Patty Kelly the
person on a daily basis. It is for this reason that I believe this tutor group
responds so well to her. The group is abrim with personality and would never
flourish like it does under Patty's instruction if they were subjected to a
more restrained style of tutoring.
This is not to say that Patty is a shining beacon of perfect tutoring.
She is merely very aware of her pupils' needs and anxieties. Being only human,
there are times when she says something particularly harsh to a pupil, but the
difference is that if she feels that she was overly harsh she will turn around
to the pupil and apologise, with an explanation about why she reacted the way
she did. This adds to the sense of fairness within the classroom.
Due to the fact that a tutor has only thirty minutes each day in order
to do the register, tutoring duties and PSHE, there is never enough time for
her to do everything expected of her and see to the needs of the group. She is
organised and the pupils are aware of what is expected of them during their
half hour with her every day. She works on a task importance basis, which seems
to work well for her and for her group. Not having their planners signed every
single Thursday afternoon is a small pay off for the harmony that exists within
the classroom.
Appendix 6
Validation of my work by J. R. a Year 11 pupil 14th April
2005
Mrs Kelly's approach to religious studies is a refreshing one. Although she herself has her own views
on what she believes she is more than happy to discuss theological matters with
students, who like myself do not share her views...........In class Mrs Kelly has a
good relationship with her students, she may not think this at times but a lot
of the students do respect her, this is down to a quite relaxed teaching
approach which treats pupils as an individual rather than just as a class. She is more than happy to talk to
the students on a normal level and sometime the lessons do not feel like the
typical teaching lessons at all.
This however does not mean there is not a line you cannot cross, usually
discipline is given in stages, if you push it a bit too far then she will
mention the fact to you. If you still take it further a final warning is given,
then if you still persist she will usually resort to a raised voice to try and
stop the activity. One or twice she
has had to resort to going and getting help from senior teaching staff but this
is the furthest it has been taken.
I think this amount of discipline is perfectly acceptable and I have
never known her to be unfair in a given situation.
Tasks in class are most of the time well thought of and created with the
student in mind, this means that many of the tasks involve group or class work
with a fun side to them even though learning is still the key theme. If the class mucks around too much in
one of these sessions then usually a 'boring' lesson will be used as a type of
punishment. Coursework is given
and so is dates for them to be in, although cousework will be chased up I still
think that Mrs Kelly could benefit from more discipline on deadlines. Support is given throughout coursework
and Mrs Kelly will give up her own time to help a student within a class.
Overall I think Mrs Kelly's lessons are definitely one of my preferred
lessons because of the relaxed attitude, before moving into Mrs Kelly's lesson
I had no interest in the subject and didn't even want to try in the exams. Now I actually try within lessons to do
work and to express my opinion because I know any intellectual conversation on
the subject can be taken up, without any patronising comments or
dismissals. Work is fairly
enjoyable (on the basis that most work is not enjoyable at all in subjects) and
the class atmosphere most of the time is a good one.
Appendix 7
In this educational enquiry I make reference to video clips of myclassroom practice. The clips were made as part of my professionalpractice and not for research purposes. To conform to the BERA ethicalguidelines about participants in educational research the video-clips arenot included in this assignment.
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