Establishing the validity and legitimacy of love as a living standard of judgment through researching the relation of being and doing in the inquiry, 'How can love improve my practice?'

 

Eleanor Lohr

 

Paper presented at the Annual Conference of the British Educational Research Association on the 9th September, 2006 at Warwick University.

 

There is an increasing literature on the role of reflective practice in professional development.  This paper is one example, in which I show how my subjective experience in spiritual practice can become more closely aligned with improving my practice as a yoga teacher and as a Director in a social housing organisation.  As I find the words to describe the connections between 'being' in meditation practice and 'doing' as a teacher and leader, I begin to uncover my learning processes and over time I start developing my living educational theory.  When I come to evaluate my research findings and consider how I might assess the worth of what I have done, I realise that I can set criteria for judging the extent of the transformative power of love that has influenced my teaching and decision making.  It is this process, of learning and evaluating with love that is addressed in this paper. 

 

And what do I mean by love?  That sense of pleasure, care and connection that I got when I touched the soft skin of my babies, that feeling of being part of the sky and the landscape on a windy day at the top of the hill above our house in the North Pennines, the excitement that I get from talking and working with others when we are planning, creating and achieving.  For me love is a sense of pleasure, acceptance, creation and connection that can be found within relationship.  This applies not only in relationship with people, but also with nature, ideas and sometimes material objects.  Mine is a relational and responsive way of being, seeing and learning where love is in the weft and the warp of connection.

 

The standpoint

Practising meditation reaffirms my identity and brings a sense of love and wholeness, which has enabled me to both value my skills and talents, as well as accept and learn from failures and challenges.   It has made me more flexible, better able to tolerate and work with difference. I have found that love has expanded my intelligence by expanding my capacity to learn.  This echoes with Bunnell and Forsyth who say:

 

'Emotions modulate the operation of intelligence as a concrete aspect of everyday life. ... if you consider your experiences you will likely see ... that the only emotion that broadens our vision is love.  In love we accept ourselves and the circumstances in which we live, thus expanding the possibility for intelligent behaviour' (Bunnell and Forsyth 2001 p.163).

 

My research mode is deliberately highly subjective.  I justify this approach from three different perspectives: allowing my bodily experience to influence my writing; allowing feeling to influence my reasoning; and relaxing the boundary between self and other.

 

á        I write somatically, holding an embodied memory of love in my memory, focussing my perception through love.  I want to bring profound human experiences to the surface, to bring the fullest meaning of love onto the page.  This means often writing poetically, trying to bring voice into the written word, to capture the subtle sense of something to be grasped just beyond the conscious mind.   As Rosemarie Anderson writes:

 

'In allowing for the complex sensorial awareness, embodied writing posits that we have many senses – perhaps dozens or hundreds – but probably more than we can name in words. ... Contemporary psychologists add the proprioceptive and kinaesthetic senses to the list.  ... Actually human sensorial awareness is a complex play of organ senses and imagination' (Anderson, 2003 pp. 41-42)

 

á        I write with feeling induced reason, using Spinoza's ideas about the colouring of perception with joyfulness in order to reach the highest state available.  As Damasio says:

 

'Spinoza recommended that we fight a negative emotion with an even stronger but positive emotion brought about by reasoning and intellectual effort.  Central to his thinking was the notion that the subduing of passions should be accomplished by reason induced emotion and not by pure reason alone' (Damasio, 2003 p.12).

 

á        And coupled with the ideas about embodied writing and cultivating love, is the idea of learning in relation, of setting out to be influenced by love, learning by creating loving connections and 'holding the other as part of the self' (Jordan, Kaplan, Baker Miller, Stiver and Surrey 1991 p. 62).  Originally developed by feminist therapists as a way of describing a gendered mode of learning, this describes my way of writing about and dealing with differing, challenging and contradictory situations. In these circumstances I hold a sensed memory of love in the face of conflict or difficulty, asking love to show me the way. 

 

To summarise, the critical standpoint of my inquiry is based in spiritual practice and takes the form of full immersion in feeling. It is not indiscriminate passion, but a disciplined approach to cultivating my understanding of how love can be brought more fully into what I do.

 

Research Practice

I use reminiscence, writing stories about the past to establish the values base for my writing as I begin to articulate my lived understanding of loving values and the meanings of love. I write accounts of teaching yoga and of incidents at work.  I choose critical issues to write about and use Whitehead's (Whitehead 1988) format, adapted to include embodied knowing:

(i)               I experience a concern because I feel my values are negated (love is hidden, it feels uncomfortable).

(ii)              I imagine a solution – I think about where this discomfort is coming from, how do I explain it, how does this alter my action.

(iii)            I act in the direction of this solution in the act of writing from my bodily knowing

(iv)            I evaluate the outcome, in this case my felt experience, the resonance of my bodily response

(v)              I modify my actions and sometimes the meaning of my values in the sense memory that I hold in my body.

I sit and think, 'What connection does this have with my experience of love.  What aspects of love can I see? Where is love here? What is this account telling me? Where is love taking me?' 

 

Two or three times daily I sit to practice silence, to meditate.  The boundaries between writing, researching and practice become blurred.  'Where am I going?'

 

I read my writing.  I read books that I hope will move my thinking on.  I start having internal conversations with the author.  I write down some of these 'conversations'.  They could be book reviews.  I can see that my thinking has become clearer and that I can bring some of these ideas into revised accounts of practice.  I realise that I am engaged in cycles of action and reflection.  I call the revised interpretations of the underlying meanings of my practice 'reflective writing'.

 

In this way, my action accounts and the reflective writing that emerges from those accounts, create the data on which my research is based. I consider the material that I have produced and ask, 'What have been doing? How did I do this?  What disciplines my thinking?  How do I discriminate?'  And looking again at what I have done I begin to discern two principles, one derived from the action research practice arising from my use of language, and the other derived from the mysterious silence of being experienced in spiritual practice.

 

The ordering principles of language

As I read and ponder on my reflective writing, I realise that I absorb meanings as I read the words, rather than use the language to take in information.  I notice my embodied responses to the writing, and later, after several iterations of reflective writing, I use this mind / body combination to decide whether or not the process has been satisfactorily completed.  I explain this as is a post-modern reading, looking for underlying meanings, looking for the rules 'that will have been done' (Lyotard 1979 p.81).  The only logic I look for is my own, the as yet not discerned logic, what Whitehead refers to as 'living logic' (Whitehead, 2006).  In writing and revising my accounts of practice I uncover layers of meaning until the final re-vision, which is when I can say 'Yes, these words signify what I mean, and now I can see how I have done it!'  This is how I develop my living educational theory, and learn how I know what I know.

 

I allow myself to be guided by my reflexive writing, and do not explain or point to it, or attempt to stand outside it.

 

The ordering principle of silence

This sensed way of working with embodied knowledge is dependent on movement, felt inner shifts that are sometimes subtle and sometimes overwhelming.  I 'see' these in meditation and if I do not get involved in following the movements, the breathing, thoughts and movements slow down.  Occasionally the movements become still.  There is a moment of unity and harmony within.  When I return to my usual active state I find that my body is quieter and my thinking has altered, and my perception of the world has been inevitably changed by that moment of silence.  This happens frequently enough for me to claim that this is an intrinsic aspect of the way that I make meaning, and I have called it the ordering principle of silence, because it has a re-ordering effect on my thinking and on my actions. A practical example of what I mean is on page 7.

 

(E)pistemology and (O)ntology

These reflexive processes uncover my underlying thinking, and show me how I learn.  In this way I develop my epistemological foundation.  I refer to this as my (e)pistemology following Barbara Thayer-Bacon (Thayer-Bacon, 2003) .  I infer through this notation that this epistemology is uniquely my theory of how I know what I know, and that I do not seek to impose this on others, or to universalise this theory in any way.  Similarly I refer beingness, my ontological experience, as my (o)ntology.  My inner experience cannot be generalised, however both my (e)pistemology and (o)ntological experience are open to influence and change, mediated by social relations and the outcome of my actions.  The changing nature of my (e )pistemology, developed as a consequence of my experiencing is what Whitehead calls 'living educational theory' (Whitehead & McNiff, 2006).  This knowledge is not fixed, but fluid.

 

Validity

In this ever-moving world, where all my understandings are in flux, where is my ground, how do I get my bearings?  How do I know that I what I do is good? I take my answer from yoga philosophy.  Yoga is 'the union of the individual self with the Universal self.  ...philosophy is theoretical while Yoga is practical. ... Knowledge without action and action without knowledge do not help man.  They must be intermingled' (Iyengar, 2002

p.4).  I seek union with the divine, and I judge the efficacy of both my spiritual practice and my action in the world on this basis, asking 'Is this harmonious?'  I find that harmony can be applied to both my inner world and outwardly in social interactions. 

 

I then combine the sense of loving harmony, inspired by Mr Iyengar's words, and hold this feeling as a part of myself.  At the same time I read my accounts, remembering the pleasures of teaching yoga, sitting in meetings, and the challenges of managing, and ask, 'If I was living lovingly, how would I judge my behaviour, what standards would I set myself for 'good' behaviour? I tune into the inner movements of resonance and dissonance.  This is not a just cognitive process but an embodied felt experience focussing the mind and body on the question.

 

From these thoughts, memories and feelings the words that describe how I could evaluate the worth of my work emerge:

 

á       I aim to reframe what I am or we are doing now so that our joint work can become easier and more pleasurable

á       I want my professional practice to inspire and support relational based strategies and inclusive decision making within organisations

á       I aim to bring a resonance, a flavour of harmony linking the practical and invisible spaces in which we participate.

 

These criteria  become living standards of judgement because they can be applied to both my knowing - (e)pistemology and my being - (o)ntology.  I can apply them to reflection-on-action, as I did in the course of my research and I can apply them to reflection-in-action if I retain awareness of my embodied resonances as I act.  In meditation I practice disciplined awareness, and if I stay mindful, observing the quietening of inner movement, just watching and not interfering, an harmonious silence arises.

 

As a practitioner-researcher I also evaluate my actions against what works and what does not.  I give an example of this later on page 9. 

 

However, what I am concerned with the validation of the transformatory nature of love through praxis.    When my outward actions are open to the judgement of others, as they inevitably are, and by setting (as I have shown) the same criteria for judging the efficacy of my spiritual practice and the worth of my action, love, as a living value, is an acceptable standard within the academy with which accounts of practice may be judged.  This claim has also be validated and legitimated by the award of a doctorate by the University of Bath.


The evidence

There is an enormous body of academic writing on how self study and autobiographical research can be validated and evaluated.  I think these can be classified into (1) making the case by demonstrating consistency between intention, accounts of action and reflection, and research outcomes. This does not mean that there is no contradiction, but that the logic contained within the study is consistent. (2) Giving examples of how my professional practice, the research method and its outcomes were altered and influenced by other people's ideas and practices.  (3) Demonstrating how the original purposes of the research have been amended as the research methodology has been carried out, and incorporating this into the findings.  (4) Developing criteria with which to judge the research findings that are consistent within the logic of the inquiry, and which can be understood and applied by others

 

There is insufficient space in this paper to cover all these points in detail. However, in relation to (1) and (4) I have shown how my standpoint, the methodology and the outcomes are coherent with my intention.  What I want to give here are two examples, one, which relates to (2), which shows how I applied my research method and combined spiritual practice (sitting in silence) with action research practice (journaling) and the second, which relates to point (3), which shows how I applied my research findings to my practice.

 

Example One: how spiritual practice influences professional practice:

The events took place in the organisation within the Board where I am a non executive Director

 

I notice the process that I went through, shown in bold.

 

My concern: I journal an event which involved several meetings and a telephone conversation with a fellow Board member with whom I had a serious disagreement on an equal opportunities issue.

 

I begin to imagine the solution and explore possibilities:

 

I journal:

 

...I need to reflect on how it might be possible to build bridges....I have a great deal of respect for D's financial expertise and the way that he is willing to speak up in Board meetings.

 

At this point I drafted the following email but did not send it:

 

"Just wanted to appreciate your public support for those policies last night.

Whilst we might have a difference of opinion on 'Equality and Diversity' issues, there are so many other key issues on which we agree, even for this reason alone I think that it is important to maintain our alliance on the Board.

You are a good man David and I would not want this to interfere with our relationship in the long run. 

 

It's a pity that I had to rush off last night; it would have been good to stay for the wine and mince pies.

 

Did anything interesting happen?

 

All the best,

Eleanor"

 

I evaluate my imagined solution:

 

I have been sitting in 'silence' since I drafted this email.  What came to me during this time was:

 

á        That in retrospect, I could have handled the previous sub-committee meeting, and my conversations before the Board meeting, a lot better. I responded too quickly to (a) G not taking 'care' and not responding properly to my email suggestion and (b) Sending the email to K, C and T.  I could have telephoned G, and I could have telephoned C if I had really wanted to resolve the issue, rather than 'prove' someone had acted wrongly.

á        Who is this 'self' that wants to see equality, but acts in this way?  What does my loving self say?

 

I have spent at least 2 days on this, not slept for more than 5 hours last night, and the net result is that I have built myself into a ... stereotype ...  But then my stereotype of him may be even stronger!

 

I am responsive first and foremost. I like people for heaven's sake, and if they do not do what I think that they should, I say so quickly – even whilst I am thinking – 'Is this wise?'

 

Surely the reason I do this because I need to respond if I see injustice?  It is a principled reaction.  Why does it feel like 'love' has no voice in this situation?  Perhaps 'love' here would just be a presence rather than a thought, being clear internally that I oppose utterances that do not give support to those who need it most, but not necessarily saying so?  That does not feel right either, that feels like an oppressed silence.

 

Then I remembered what 'diversity' is about – respecting multiple perspectives. Of course, the more perspectives the better – even old-fashioned ones?  More choice, creativity from conflict perhaps.  How can I build bridges this way? The principled reaction is not so much about what is 'right' and what is 'wrong', but about finding resolution through relationship.

 

I modify my action:

I reword and send the following email:

 

"Just wanted to appreciate your public support for those policies last night, and to say how much I admired seeing you put your private views on one side. 

 

I set out to value all perspectives, and hope that where there are differences of opinion that by seeking to understand others better we create the possibility for agreeing worthwhile and sustainable policies. In retrospect, I think that I could have handled my side of things better than I did. Whilst we have that difference of opinion on 'Equality and Diversity' issues, there seem to be a lot of other issues on which we agree wholeheartedly.

 

You are a good man ... and I don't want this to interfere with our relationship, and I hope you don't mind my emailing you about this.

 

It's a pity that I had to rush off last night; it would have been good to stay for the wine and mince pies.

 

Did anything interesting happen later on?

All the best,

Eleanor"

 

This is a minor example of the way that I seek to improve my professional practice in my everyday life.  It was journal entry, written during my inquiry.  I had not yet set my criteria for judging the worth of what I do, but reflecting later, I could see how I was seeking to introduce harmony before principle, which was a precursor of the standards that I was able to articulate later on in the research process.

 

Case example showing how I enact my standards

Chairing the Board

The first action and reflection cycle concerns my preparations for meeting with the CE (Chief Executive) prior to the Board meeting at which I was elected Chair.  The second cycle gives an account of the Board meeting and subsequent meeting with the CE.

 

1.      The first cycle

Preparing for election as Chair

 

REFLECTION

Using Whitehead's (1988) form, I seek to identify my concerns.  I am excited by the prospect of getting involved in a new area of housing, and I ask myself, 'What does this organisation want from its Chair?'

It wants to develop a reputation in the region for excellence, either in selling neighbourhood services and /or by building new homes and communities.  I imagine what this might mean, holding the vision of 'carving' a place for us in the East of England region firmly, erotically, in my mind ...

á        I need to know more about the organisation's potential for collaboration – what is it good at - and what the competition is like. 

á        I need to understand the context, the environment, the players operating in the region.

á        I also need to know more about the current thinking on procurement partnerships and the Housing Corporation's current recommendations on the legal frameworks for mergers and developing 'Umbrella Organisations'.

I reflect on my list, then I gather together specific areas that will underpin my thinking as I carry out my tasks as Chair. 

I act in the direction of this solution by making another list:

á        Governance, we need to streamline decision-making.  What is the best way of doing this?  We are becoming an Industrial and Provident Society, does this mean that we have to change our Constitution?

á        Who has contact, and at what level, with other housing associations?

á        What conferences and forums does NHH attend?  Do we offer speakers at conferences?

á        Do we have an appropriate staff structure in the Development Department?  How can we continue our ambitious development programme and begin to develop new housing and / or sell maintenance services?

 

What does this mean for relationship? I write another list.

á      developing a relationship with the Chief Executive that enables me to understand how he works. 

á      getting to know more about what the industry is saying to itself about building strategic alliances

á      developing a resonant 'feel' for what other organisations are doing.

 

 I put these 'to do' lists on one side. I evaluate my ideas, sitting in silence and meditating.

I write a further list:

á        Decision making on the Board must be improved, we must become, 'an effective decision-making force!'  We need to enjoy our meetings, bond a little more, make a few jokes, and allow ourselves to ask possibly stupid questions.

á        I will get involved in Board recruitment and induction.

á        I want to improve the status of tenant members in Board discussions.

á        Must find some way of encouraging two of the senior management team to improve their performance at Board meetings.  They need to enjoy the challenge of our questions and not be paranoid.

á        Find a way of including the tenant voice in reports to the Board.  We must be more open and more inclusive.

á        Make sure we have high quality recruits to the Board – I am already thinking about the Chair's succession already!  We do not have enough suitable candidates. I do not want to do this job for more than two years.

 

ACTION

I act in the direction of the 'to do' lists when I meet the Chief Executive a few days later.

I make the following notes:

His key issues for the next 12 months were:

 

á        He wants the Board to be more focused

á        To build strategic alliances with other HA's in the following ways...

Development alliances with O.... and / or A....

Interconnection of services – depot / maintenance, RtB and leasing.

Attend all the Good Practice forums

K and V are going to the NHF conference

K to the CIH / or NHF CE's conference

K to EoE CIH conference

B to LSVT finance conference

 

2-5 year strategy

 

á        Review of sheltered housing – 20 schemes including 4 extra care schemes that need to be improved.  Board will be making decisions in the next 12-18 months.

á        Staff satisfaction – K justifies PRP on the basis that it enables staff to see how what they do is dependant on others performing.

Criteria for measuring the success of PRP are:

Staff morale

Staff and customer satisfaction surveys

Performance against operational plan

 

REFLECTION

I evaluate our meeting and reflect on my notes.  As part of my everyday practice, I sit in silence and meditation.  My thoughts emerge.

á        How am I going to lead the association into the next phase of the cultural shift from a local authority housing department to a market driven housing association?

Again, I hold a sense of what relationship means, its flexibility, and its willingness to go where linear logic might not. 

 

2.      The second cycle: Chairing the Board

 

REFLECTION

I sit in silence.  I meditate.  I see myself acting in the role of Chair.  I am afraid, my chairing skills are not especially good, and I worry about getting the papers muddled up. I am afraid of being challenged.

 

I know I need to focus on eros.  At the previous Board meeting people were referring to me as 'the Boss'!  I try to imagine what 'being the boss might feel like'. Agendas and reports begin arrive in the post.  I read them. I make careful notes.  I know that I need to be efficient.

 

I sit in meditation.  I imagine a solution and I realise that

á        I should acknowledge the enormous achievements that the staff have achieved in the 2 years since the transfer of stock.  I need to refer (lightly) to developing strategic alliances to indicate my vision for the organisation's future. 

á        I must take the reins and establish myself in the leadership role by developing a clear framework within which business is conducted. 

á        Later, I will indicate more clearly future direction, because I will feel the resonance of flow and its direction better.  But as yet there is only a subtle movement in that direction.  A direction of thought, an undercurrent not yet fully articulated or crystallised in action.  

 

I begin to sense the energy of eros in my mind and body

 

I sit in silence. I meditate.  I imagine the emotional landscape of interaction.

I think about the individual Board members.  Perhaps I need to start challenging them, encouraging them to be freer with their opinions.  I reflect on the possibility of saying things like, 'SY, you're our legal expert – what do you think?'  But it might be a bit risky.  

 

Again, I have an embodied sense of what an opening up of existing relationships on the Board might mean, not just in Board meetings but in the longer term for the organisation's culture. This feels like a big cultural change.  It will take time.

This is the relational presence of agape.

 

ACTION

I act in the direction of my solution.  There is a jokey, jolly mood around the table.  I am firm and relaxed.  I get the papers muddled!  I close the meeting at 9.00pm, which is good! 

 

There are two agenda items I deliberately show particular interest in, Board recruitment and Customer Care. Both reports are focused in the direction of my aim to improve the status and involvement of tenant Board members.  There is an active, involved Board discussion on both. 

 

á        I am careful to watch and encourage remarks from tenant Board members.  They all sign up for involvement in the Board recruitment process and suggest more informal ways of informing prospective candidates of their responsibilities.

á        There is a long and rather aimless discussion about the Customer Care Strategy that I think demonstrated that the Board was getting tired.  I wanted to call a comfort break, but lacked the courage!

 

REFLECTION
I evaluate my actions by sitting in silence, and meditating..

 

ACTION

I meet the chief executive two days later.  We arrange dates for Board recruitment, and I take his advice on timing, how the selection process will be handled and agree target dates for new members to join the Board.

 

At the end of the meeting he emphasises the good work that the association is doing on Customer Care.  He expresses this differently to the way it was reported at the Board meeting. 

 

I make a note to reread the report and to consider why I did not pick up on the new organisational structures that had been put in place to support the strategy. Perhaps I missed it, perhaps the report needed to highlight staffing structures. 

 

I remember that there was an issue about not including staffing or structural implications in a previous strategy document. 

 

I need to check things out and reflect on the possible implications. 

 

I make a note to make sure that the Customer Care strategy is highlighted in other contexts, especially when talking to staff.

 

I ask him how his meeting went with the CE of another large association.  'Better than expected' he said.  This triggers his views on the future potential for partnership working, summarised as:

 

á        Selling services:

We have offered IT, HR and Finance services to another new stock transfer association with 4000 homes.  We do not plan to make a surplus, we will be satisfied with the resulting reduction in our overheads. 

 

á        Development of new homes:

We are developing 700 new homes over the next three years with two other associations as our agents.  We have the financial capacity to increase our borrowing capacity to £200million in three years time, that will enable us to develop over 1000 new homes without government grant.

 

This level of financial security is remarkable. It means that we do not need to join a group structure.  I had thought that we had to choose between selling services and becoming a key development player but the Chief Executive was clear that we actually must use the financial capacity that we already have.

 

I say that I want to go to a regional event advertised for Board members and senior staff.  He says he is busy, but then decides he might be able to alter his diary.  Either he thinks that he needs to be around, or I am influencing him in to go in a direction that he might not have chosen.  I hope it is the latter!

 

REFLECTION

I sit in silence. I meditate. 

I realise that I am getting closer to defining the direction of my leadership activity.  The CE is beginning to fill in some of the gaps in my knowledge that I posed in my original lists.

I will learn more at the Regional Conference and we will have an opportunity to develop our relationship.

 

My next steps will be return to my original questions and prepare for the next cycle of Board meetings.

 

 

This example shows how I use Whitehead's form of questions in order to improve my practice and how I apply the combination of spiritual practice and action research to introduce my embodied experience of love into organisational action.  It shows how I deliberately seek to reframe the work of the Board by focussing my attention in particular directions and embodying an inquiring and relational approach.  This is how I apply my embodied knowledge and how I apply my criteria for judging the value of what I do. 

 

 

 

Summary

I have shown how learning with love through a deeply subjective process, enables me to bring my embodied knowledge into the professional work that I do. The more I develop my discrimination in meditation and yoga, then the more I understand the qualities of my (o)ntology, and then the better able I am to be mindful of what I do as I am doing it, to be reflective-in-action.  And this then increases my capacity to bring love into my actions.  Because the work that I do, and the way that I learn is also relational, it means that what I mean by love does change.  However, by construing love and harmony as sharing similar qualities, that search for unity whether it is applied inwardly or outwardly, in action and in spiritual practice ensures that my (e)pistemology and my (o)ntological experience remains connected, relational and open to change. 

 

In terms of the academy, this paper contributes to the current debate on the meaning of bringing espoused beliefs into professional practice by giving an experiential account of the influence that embodied living loving values can have on decision making within an organisational setting.

 

Bibliography

 

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